The Newborn Phase
This post was inspired my brother and his wife who have just welcomed a baby boy.
I think, when most people think of newborns, they think of sweet sleeping cuddly babies. Which is partly true, what’s not to love? Right? There is another part of newborns that most people forget; it’s such a difficult phase! Especially when it’s your first baby. No matter how much you’ve prepared, its still hard! You have this tiny human that depends on you completely. Whether you decide to breastfeed or not (fed is best, do what works for you) you are probably leaking milk among other bodily fluids coming out of you and being spewed upon you by said tiny human… Your priorities change. Sleep comes first at any time or place. Eating comes second because sleep is so scarce you need food for energy. Anything else comes last. It’s basically survival mode. It is normal to feel exhausted. Giving birth as beautiful as it is, is hard work! It doesn’t matter if you delivered naturally, via c section, opted for an epidural, or an all natural birth. Each has its challenges, and requires rest afterwards. So, in addition to recovering from birth you are also caring for a tiny human who’s biological clock is synced with the other side of the world. Don’t feel bad if your baby stays up all night. Its normal in the beginning. Even if you hear people saying their babies slept through the night at this age. Ignore them! Every baby is different! I’ve had five, each one was different, my fifth gave me the most trouble sleeping! It took us over a month to finally start sleeping at night. Sleeping, not sleeping through the night. I would doze off in a comfy arm chair with my feet propped up holding my baby all night because the second I put him down he would wake up. As soon as it was time for morning prayers I would wake up my husband so he could take the baby for a bit and I could lay down. My husband was so supportive the first month! He took time off of work so he could do school mornings, pickups, lunch and dinner. I would be there for dinner and bedtime but I slept all morning because that was the only time I could put the baby down to sleep! It was exhausting! One thing I learned to prioritize was, my daily shower. I wouldn’t skip a day and it made such a difference for me. Sometimes something simple as taking a shower and brushing your hair can make you feel human again! Well as human as possible when you barely sleep.
Being sleep deprived really messes with you. You start speaking nonsense and doing strange things. I have put a gallon of milk in the cupboard and only realized it because the box of cereal was too big to fit inside the fridge! I have asked my kids to things that made no sense like go where your teeth and brush your pajamas. I have called them the wrong name and I have given the wrong child the cup of fortified milk countless times. I also develop what can only be describe as a type of hysterical laughing when I’m exhausted and sleep deprived. My oldest, who is now taller than me, takes in a bear hug and tells me I need to go take a nap. How times have changed.
With your first baby, even touching the baby is scary. They are so small and fragile your afraid you’ll break them. You want to clean all the nooks and crannies, babies have so many wrinkles and folds that collect fuzz among other things. You want to be thorough but you want to be careful. Especially when the umbilical cord stump is still attached. You will be told that babies love a warm bath, they will sleep for hours afterwards! Not always true, some hate them! Some will become wide awake after said warm relaxing bath. You’ll learn what your baby’s preferences and develop your own routine.
Babies make weird noises, when they sleep, when they eat, when they poop… and in general. Sometimes it’s scary because you don’t know if its normal. The sounds while they sleep will probably wake you up. Is that normal? Is he ok? Should I wake him up? It’s usually all normal. You will be able to tell when it’s not and that is so rare.
It got easier for me with each child, it’s so easy to second guess yourself. Especially when you think you did everything right but the baby is still fussy. Sometimes all the baby needs is to sleep in your arms. Not ideal but sometimes that’s all they need. I spent so many hours being a human bed. With my oldest I had nothing to do and I loved it. With my youngest I had so much to but sometimes I had no choice! I did everything I could to help him sleep. I bought a swing for daytime naps, something I was against with my other children. I put the pack n play in the living room and would let him sleep on his tummy, with a firm mattress and no blanket. I know it’s still wrong and I would be constantly checking om him. Sometimes I was at my wits ends. I was so exhausted I needed him to sleep for my sanity’s sake. I bought different types of swaddles. This kind being my favorite. I would put a piece of clothing I had worn under him, tucked in firmly to be safe, in hopes that he would sense my scent and sleep longer. That worked sometimes. I bought a baby carrier, which was so much help! I had never used one before, but he was super clingy and sometimes the stroller was not an option!
You will find three types of people during this period; the helpful supportive people, who actually help, keep them close! The people who give unwanted advice and expect you to listen to them. You might say, they mean well and they probably do, but nobody knows what the baby needs more than the parents. There are so many different opinions on parenting, sometimes there is no wrong way. I remember with my first I had such strong opinions on what was right and wouldn’t listen to most people. I know now to pick my battles. Sometimes, you just have to smile and nod when people insist their way is best. Especially when it comes from well-meaning family members. The third type wants to visit you after you give birth to share their amazing super birth story, tell you how they baby slept through the night immediately and gave them no trouble with latching, was never gassy, or fussy. Keep them as far away as possible. Their kids are probably too old for them to actually remember any details of this sleep deprived, hormonal, exhausted time.
I know I’ve said this before but there is no one way to care for a baby. Every baby is unique in its needs. There is no “one method” to parenting. Trust yourself, you are doing your best. Remember this is a phase and like every phase, it has its difficulties and its joys. They will grow up faster than you can imagine and you will be left with the cute baby photos and one or two tiny outfits. Honestly, as I look back, I don’t think I have a favorite phase. Each phase is special in its own way. But since we are being honest, I don’t miss the new born phase. I’m glad I’m done with that phase of my life. I’m enjoying my kids at their different ages and the slight freedom that comes with it.