Loss

I was designing T shirts for everyone to wear to raise my fathers spirits. I never got a chance to finish the design and print them… There are so many stupid details that hurt.

It will always be hard to lose a loved one but I think one of the biggest losses is losing a parent. This isn’t something I thought I’d be writing so soon. I thought we had a long and hard battle with cancer but I was so sure we would win. We didn’t this time. It hurts so much to type these words, I was actually writing a post about my father and as I tried to read it today I couldn’t help but think, how I’d have to change it to past tense. It hurts so much and yet; the pain is comforting and I’m not sure I want it to go away. There is so many thoughts going through my head as I try to realize that my father has passed away. I want the world to stop while I sit by myself and feel sad and try to process everything, but it won’t and I can’t because I have so many responsibilities, so many people who depend on me. It’s just so much and it is too much but somehow, I’m pushing through. I don’t know what I want, but it would be nice if the world would stop for a day and let me be.