Summer Break Burnout
Photo by Emile Guillemot on Unsplash
This post was written about three weeks ago.
Do you know that never ending feeling when the days and the nights seem to be one long piece of time? When the days are so long, the nights not long enough and sleep seems to be something you did in the past. When you forget what day of the week it is yet, the weeks seem so long and the weekends too short. The only reason you know it is the weekend is because you have your husband home for some much-needed adult company? That is what summer vacation feels like to me at the moment. Expect I do have adult conversations with the contractor and people working on our house. But its not the pleasant, fulfilling reenergizing type of conversation, it is the draining; how much will this cost? how long will this take? type of talk.
I’ve been feeling off lately. I can’t really blame it in one thing. I’ve been nonstop busy, before summer vacation it was preparing to redo my mother in laws kitchen, kids’ and finals, planning the renovation upstairs. I was still going to doctors’ appointments too to finally resolve the dizzy issue I’ve been having. I’m on medication and hopefully that’s the answer.
Finals ended and summer vacation began for the kids, which did lighten the load in a sense for me but it also meant starting the renovation upstairs. I had to balance between trying to organize things and pack up half of the house so we could start renovating half of the second floor. I had to go buy materials for the new rooms. I still had 5 kids that were now bored at home. I needed to make sure they were fed and somewhat amused. I went back to the gym after a month absence because I had so much going on I dropped the only thing I did for myself because it was easier that way.
I am back to going to the gym as many times as I can. I am trying to give myself time while I take care of everyone and everything. It’s a lot but I know I can manage. Sometimes I feel guilty feeling this way. I know I am so blessed! I do count my blessings and I know so many moms are guilty for feeling this way. I know I am doing my best balancing everything. I can’t help but wonder; did we make the right choice not putting them in any summer programs. Was hiring a tutor enough structure for the summer? Should I have done something fun with them instead of leaving them home to keep themselves busy while I shop for tiles? Did we eat too much junk? Am I making up for boredom by giving in to their cravings? Should I find a program that includes physical activity? It really is too hot to play outside! I should have arranged for a play date with their friends… The thing is these kinds of questions and the sometimes-overwhelming guilt never seem to go away. The truth is I’m not a bad mom no matter what the questions and doubts in my head tell me. I’m working hard to finish this renovation as soon as possible. I still give them time, cook the meals, and make sure they eat fresh fruit and vegetables. I make sure they go to bed at a reasonable time and they see their cousins (brothers by milk) almost every day. They are fine and will not be scarred by life because of this one summer when I was so busy working, we didn’t do a single thing off of our summer bucket list. (well we did make origami dogs) I know they appriciate my hard work and it will be worth it when it is all over and we live in the “future” as my kids have named the half-done part of the renovation.
So, as the summer comes to an end I know my kids will remember the fun times we had, the craziness of renovating a house while living in it. They will remember so many sleep overs with their cousins and just their siblings while we play “musical rooms” and move from room to room fixing them up so they are upgraded from the “past” to the “future”