My Mother In Law

Photo by Stefan Vladimirov on Unsplash

I would like to apologize for not posting last Saturday, with the renovation and everything going on in my life right now I just wasn’t able to write. This post is special to me and I hope you enjoy reading it.

Growing up, I always saw how mother’s in law were perceived as evil people and the enemy on tv. I didn’t have anyone to compare this to because my paternal grandmother passed away when I was really young and I have no memory of her. As I write this I realize I never thought of my maternal grandmother as my dad’s MIL. She didn’t fit the part. My paternal grandfather also adored my mother and they had a great relationship.

When I got married, my grandmother used to always ask about my in laws, she would ask me: how is your family? and she meant: in laws. At first, I was offended and would complain to my mother: why does she say that? She is my family! Has she disowned me? Then, I realized: she was right, they are my family, they are important to my husband, they are my children’s, grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins... they are my family!

I’m lucky I was blessed with amazing in laws. I love them all and care for them like they were the family I was born into. I’m grateful for them and I know they made moving to a different city where a didn’t know anyone so much easier.

I think a big part of this is, my mother in law, she is the back bone of the family, she is kind and caring yet she is clear about what her expectations are for the family. She welcomes everyone and treats all equally. I see how she loves and respects all of her daughters and sons in law. She is my role model in how I want my family to be when I am a mother in law one day inshallah.

She is an amazing person, I am writing about her today as we celebrate her coming home again after 4 long months away while we renovated her kitchen and laundry room, fixed up some other things, and completely made over the second floor.

It is good to have her back. I know she is happy to be home and we are all so grateful to have her home with us. Everything is different when she is home. Everything is better. We have breakfast, lunch and dinner with her to some extent. (Depending on who’s home and if she has family over)

She loves to cook so with the help of a full-time helper and sometimes my help, she cooks. I cook too sometimes, depending on how she’s feeling. I’ve tried over the years to learn to cook like her, my food may be good but it will never be as good as her cooking. She cooks with love and you can taste it in every bite. Feeding the family brings her joy. Eating her food brings so many people joy too. You can see it on my kids’ faces when they know what’s for lunch, they each have their own favorites but anything she makes is delicious and loved by all. She makes the best tabbouleh I have ever had and no matter how much I try to replica it, it’s never the same. Maybe I need to put a little more love in it.

She has been through so much through her life but you couldn’t tell if you met her. She has so much faith, hope and optimism. She lives in the present and looks forward to the future though she hasn’t forgotten the past and I love hearing her stories.

She was born in Palestine, had to walk out of her home to neighboring Lebanon. She was one of the lucky ones whose family could afford to rent an apartment. She has so many fond memories of her childhood in Palestine and Lebanon.  She married my father in law (may God have mercy on his soul) who I never got the pleasure of meeting. She moved to Riyadh soon after they were married. When she moved here she didn’t know anyone. Riyadh was still a small town with small mud houses and dirt roads. They had a couple live with them so the wives could keep each other company while the husbands worked. She made many, many, friends who were like family in a country where she had none. She made the most of her circumstances, gave birth to most of her children in that mud house. Even when they moved to a modern house, she still gave birth at home. It was the norm back then. She had midwives come assist her and her neighbors and friends were there to lend a hand and watch the kids.

She went through miscarriages, lost a newborn and lost a son in a tragic accident. Despite all that she remained strong. She was the youngest among her siblings which means she’s lost them all. She’s lost her husband too, many friends and neighbors. It is hard to outlive the ones you love. Yet she is full of love and hope.

She inspires me and I want to be just like her when I grow up.