Mom Guilt
There are so many types of mom guilt, it’s different for every mom, it’s different with every stage of childhood.
There’s the mom guilt when you have a tiny newborn and you put him down for a minute to go to the bathroom and he cries. I’m sure we have all held a baby while sitting on the toilet at one point in our children’s lives. There is the mom guilt because you need to wean your baby (whether it’s from breastmilk or a bottle or a sippy cup… it’s so hard yet necessary. There is the mom guilt when they start school and you eventually have to give in and let them cry while you leave. You know they will stop crying as soon as you leave but it still breaks your heart to see those tears. There’s the guilt of giving an unbalanced unhealthy meal because you are exhausted or they are cranky or both. They are all little things that will have no significant impact on your child yet it still keeps you up at night sometimes.
Then as they grow older there is a different kind of mom guilt. The guilt for not putting them in summer programs that will help develop their skills and become professional programmers at 10. Not making the most of the “good weather” whenever that may be on your side of the planet, and taking them out to play in the sunshine and cool breezes. Not taking them to swimming lessons or soccer or whatever it is they are interested in or you aspire them to become.
The other day the school sent us a photo of one of the students who had won the bronze medal in an educational competition. I honestly have no idea what it is about yet I felt that mom guilt.
Why didn’t I read about it and enroll my kids? Why aren’t my kids winning medals? I used to be more active. What happened? The guilt has been gnawing away at me. I try not to let it get to me. I was happy for the child who won. I congratulated the parents. It just makes me feel like I’m failing as a mom. But it shouldn’t.
I need to remind myself that before COVID we were doing too much and I was one of the few that was relieved when they put us on lock-down and we couldn’t go out. At the beginning it was a blessing. I was so burnt out. I’m not saying I enjoyed the pandemic. I didn’t! I’ve talked about it here and here. But I’m reminding myself that I was that mom that had my kids doing so many things. Then COVID shut everything down. We had two years of distance learning. Then I had two years of long stressful renovations. I’m human! As super as I may seem sometimes to everyone around me, I don’t have any super powers.
So, I’m trying to accept that my kids are doing fine. I see their success in the small things. I know they are intelligent and doing well in school. They each show me every day how smart they are. As they grow, they are showing interest in specific subjects and developing new skills. They are choosing their own after school activities. I am not holding them back in anyway and I know they will be fine even if I don’t cram every second of their free time with educational activities. Maybe, they are better off with some time off to enjoy their childhood, they are still children after all.
I know that even after I’ve written this, and I do mean every word, I will still feel that I’m not doing enough and that maybe my kids should be doing more.
So, I’m here to remind myself and all the mothers who are feeling guilty too; that its ok. We are doing our best. As long as our children are growing and learning and figuring out their own path to knowledge. We shouldn’t feel guilty. Everyone’s circumstances are different. Every child is unique. We just need to be there to encourage, guide and sometimes push when they need a push.