Milestones
Image by Myriams-Fotos from Pixabay
My youngest is in kindergarten, he is my last kindergartener. With your youngest there are a lot of “lasts” I admit that a lot of ‘lasts’ I won’t miss. Like the “last new born phase” and the “last weaning of nursing”.
Some “lasts” are bittersweet; my last kindergartner. He is growing and becoming more self-dependent. I love that. He still needs me and I love when he hugs me and tells me I’m cozy and fuzzy. It’s a sweet thing he made up it makes me feel like I’m his security blanket: he feels safe in my arms. Every year at nursery, preschool and kindergarten (we call them kg1, kg2 & kg3) the school holds a “grandmother” day. Its tradition for my family to buy a gift and a bouquet of flowers and take my mother in law to school to attend the celebration of grandmothers. It’s always fun watching cute little children dressed up dance and singing and doing cute skits. Last Tuesday was “my last” grandmother day. I was a little emotional as we sat in the school auditorium and the program began. My little boy was growing up so fast! He would be graduating from kindergarten the end of the year inshallah. Next year he will be in the first grade! My last baby! How do they grow so fast!
At the same time, I have been also been very aware that my oldest will graduate from high school next year inshallah! He is already talking about studying aboard. I can’t imagine him moving out! I do want what’s best for him but I really want to keep him at home for at least his bachelor’s degree. If and when he decides to get his masters (I hope) we will cross that bridge when we come to it. He has been away for a week or two taking courses abroad, but that was different because I knew he would be home soon. Even then, I did miss him and remembered him when I did the grocery shopping, I didn’t get his favorites that no one else likes and when I make dinner. He’s the only one that likes mushrooms other than me so I don’t bother buying or making anything mushroom while he’s gone. His room seems so empty! Especially when I walk through it to get to his cats to check on them and care for them. They become especially clingy when he’s gone. They miss him too.
When he decided to keep his cat’s kittens, after we agreed we’d give them up for adoption, he told me he’d take them to his place when he moved out for college. It made it seem so real! He was already thinking about moving out! I know we need to let them go and grow and become adults. They will not be our little babies forever even though we will always see them that way. It’s not easy, but I know I have to accept that he’s growing up and is slowly becoming so independent. He has changed so much the past couple of years and matured so much! I am so proud to be his mother! I can’t imagine not having him live with us but I know one day that day will come. I can’t keep him close in my arms and protect him from everything forever, though I wish I could. I wish I could create a forcefield that protects him from all bad and evil. I wish I had a drone following him around. (Though he says that would be considered stalking haha) As a Muslim I do have my faith in God that He will protect my children. There are many prayers we say to protect us and our loved ones from all harm. It is such a comfort to have these prayers that I say in the morning and at night to protect my family. I know as a parent, I do my best to raise my kids to be smart, mature people. I want them to learn how to interact with other people, with strangers. To know how to be safe and protect themselves. I hope I will achieve that balance between street smart but not paranoid. Sometimes the world seems so scary.
So as I am ticking off so many “lasts” off my motherhood list, I am also ticking off so many “firsts” with my oldest. I try to cherish these moments as I am reminded that these crazy busy days I have will soon be empty as my kids slowly grow up and move out. I wish them all the success in the world, and that hopefully they will find success nearby so they can visit me often.