Change

Photo by Pesce Huang on Unsplash

I’ve been thinking about how I’ve been changing. People might call it a midlife crisis but it’s not a crisis. I think it’s more like I was hibernating and I just woke up and it’s spring again. That’s how I feel.

Realistically, I have more time on my hands. My kids are older. They are all in school in the morning. I’m sleeping better. (Sort of) I’m exercising regularly which is really helping me mentally and physically. I think it’s natural to focus on myself more. I have more time and energy to do that!

I should give myself more credit. You need to remember that at one point I had a 7,5,3-year-old and a newborn. It was a lot. So of course, I wasn’t into makeup or cared about doing anything with my hair other than a bun. It was a phase and it passed

I’m trying to do the things I used to do in the past and while I do sometimes feel insecure and maybe a little old. Because how do I explain why all of a sudden, I’m interested in eyebrow gel? (I know nothing about it) What will people say when they notice that I’m into makeup again? But that’s the thing; Why do people make comments like that? Why would you say: well you're finally putting more makeup on again!

Why not say: wow you look good!

I think that what people say and what they think is holding me back. I’m trying not to let it but, that’s the truth.

So, as I continue to find myself again. I need to turn off those thoughts in my head. Let them say and think whatever they want. I need to focus on what I want. I am going to learn about eyebrow gel and try it out. I am going to wear my hair in its natural curls and maybe straighten it later. I’m going to do what I want, and try new things. I’m not doing any harm to anyone and hopefully, I’m doing myself good.

Remember, when you see someone suddenly change, don’t question it. Let them be. Maybe encourage them. Compliment them. Because even though we know we shouldn’t care what people think, we still do sometimes. It’s not that easy. 

That’s what stops us from doing a lot of things. What people will say. They will think I’m too old. They will think I’m trying to act younger. They think I regret my life decisions. 

First, who cares what they think? We really shouldn’t. 

Second, they are wrong. You are not too old, you don’t need to act anything, don’t regret anything. You don’t need to find excuses to change. It’s fine. Do what makes yourself happy. Explore new things. Learn to embrace change. Don’t label it.

Maybe I was that person with her hair always in a bun, that was in the past. I don’t have to be that person anymore.