My first post.

Honestly, I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a while. I just want a place where I can talk about stuff I go through, as a human, as a mom, as a woman. I think that all humans on Earth are the same. Ok, we’re different. But we’re the same. I’m a stay at home mom (SAHM) I have 5 kids ages (15-4) I love traveling and I’ve been to many different countries. I’ve traveled with my kids. I’ve met people from all over the world. I think if we don’t let anyone tell us what we are supposed to think about others, if we don’t listen to the stereotypes, then we can live together in harmony. I want peace. I want to be as green as possible and take care of our planet. 
I’m rambling as usual...

I actually had started writing for this blog about a year ago (2021). My two oldest had started attending school. My two middle kids had online school in the afternoon. So, I had time to myself  in the morning to write a little. Then we started a major renovation project and between that and my family I had zero time to write. I have some posts from last year that I’ll post.

I’m still figuring out how my blog is going to be organized. I have so much to write about. I’m still not sure how I’m going to organize it.

I felt like for the longest time I’ve been writing this blog in my head. I’ve always loved writing. I just didn’t realize how happy it made me to write. I also have felt lost for a long time. I don’t know when I realized how lost I felt. I know it happens to a lot to mothers. You are so busy being a mom you don’t have much time to yourself, you’re so focused on your kids and so sleep deprived, you slowly stop doing the little things that bring you joy. Painting your nails. Putting a face mask on. Sitting in a comfy chair, reading a good book. Even your taste of books changes. For the longest time, I was reading self improvement books and parenting books. There is nothing wrong with reading these books but, you also need to read books that bring you joy. Books that take you away for a moment. I realized this when I was going to take a book to the hairdresser. (something I started doing after my fourth was born) When I realized, I didn’t want to take a book with me, because I didn’t have anything to read just for fun. So, I ordered a bunch of books. Starting with one of my favorites: “Under the Tuscan Sun” by Frances Mayes. I love the way she describes everything, taking us along on her journey in Italy. Buying and renovating a house in Italy. You can see what she sees and smell and taste what she eats. You are THERE with her experiencing everything. I then bought all of her books gradually. I remembered for the first time in longtime what it was like to get lost in a book. True bliss!

I don’t know when exactly I lost myself. My first 4 kids are about a year and a half apart so for a long time I had sleepless nights, dirty diapers and a messy house. I didn’t have much time for myself, I didn’t have any friends in the same city because I moved after I got married. I have a great relationship with my husband’s family so I always enjoyed their company which was often. I lost touch with a lot of friends. They were pursuing careers or off abroad getting their masters and PhD while I was busy wiping chins and playing with trains and dolls. (Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids!) I just needed a friend.

Slowly, I started to find myself again. I enrolled in a gym. For the first time in a long time I was Nuha again! Not someone’s mom or wife or daughter in law. I was me. There, they only knew me. It was great. For the hour I spent at the gym, I was me and only me. You’d think that since I didn’t have many friends, I’d try to make friends. But, at home, there was always so many people. Living with my mother law in is wonderful. I love my husband’s family. They truly are my second family. But I’m a person who really enjoys being by myself. So, at the gym, I didn’t want to be social at all. I did greet the receptionist and smile at other members and talk to the coaches, but I didn’t try to make any friends. I was happy with that.

I tried my best to give myself time to enjoy a cup of coffee, read a book, just sit in silence… It hasn’t been easy. My house has never really been clean. There is always a mess somewhere, some dishes in the sink, dirty laundry waiting to be washed. I used to be SUCH an organized person! My sister used to call me a neat freak. Haha. You wouldn’t believe me if you saw my house now. Becoming a mother has taught me to let go of the small things, the house doesn’t need to be spotless. The kids do need to be fed and happy. Its ok if my son doesn’t want to take a shower every day. It’s not the end of the world if the kids had cereal for dinner. It rarely happens but its ok if it does. They usually eat healthy balanced meals. I used to be that mom that has to bake something for school if there was a party or activity. I’m not anymore. Its ok if its store bought. There are healthy options thankfully. The main thing is balance. Don’t over do it and burn out quickly.

Something I think I need to mention is an app called YOU (which is no longer available unfortunately). I saw Jamie Oliver post on Instagram about it in January 2015. It was and still is a very important part of my life. I never imagined when I downloaded it how much it was going to help me. I had 4 kids at the time, my youngest was one. I was still lost. The app is all about mindfulness and daily actions to help you be more mindful and give yourself time and focus on what matters. It helps you find joy in the little things. The tiny details in life. But what was life changing wasn’t only the daily actions! It was the community! The community was so kind, supportive, loving, helpful, caring. Always positive and uplifting. They helped me so much. I never imagined I’d make so many friends from all over the world through this app. I never imagined I would have REAL friends on line! I went through so much and they were all there to give a kind word, some advice or just a (virtual) hug. We have been through so much together, weddings, divorces, deaths, YOUbabies, new jobs, retirements, house moves, city moves, continent moves…  We’ve exchanged emails, phone numbers, addresses for YOUmail. (which I’m really bad at. Something on my never ending to do list) There have been lots and lots of YOUmeets. I’ve met only one YOU friend because I live so far away. I can’t imagine my life without them. So, now you’ll know what I’m talking about when I mention the YOUapp.

Let’s talk about feeling burnt out. It happens I think to everyone at one point. Sometimes it’s unavoidable sometimes it isn’t. It’s important to try to avoid becoming burnt out but it’s also important to acknowledge when you’re burnt out and give yourself the time to recharge. One thing I learned from YOUapp is to give myself time. It doesn’t have to be hours. It could be just 5 minutes of silence with your feet up before the school run or 5 minutes in the middle of the prebedtime chaos, to sit down while the kids ran around getting ready for bed. You’re there to answer questions (where is my lunch box? Do we have toothpaste?) But you’re sitting, feet up when possible. It’s funny because it had never occurred to me that when I put my feet up, it helps me relax and is completely different then just sitting. It’s also my way of telling myself that I’m relaxing. It was my KIU (keep it action, an action you choose to do every day until it becomes a habit) for the longest time and it really made a difference. For a longtime my KIU was (Start the day happy) It’s not that I was miserable in my life. It’s just that I was going through stuff, like any normal human and I found mornings difficult. I woke up grumpy and the lack of sleep didn’t help at all. This action helped me find ways to boost my mood in the morning. They were all simple things. Coloring, on my phone or in a coloring book. Coffee and chocolate after breakfast. I remember for a while toasted bagels where my favorite breakfast. I would wait until the kids were at school and my husband was at work, make myself toasted bagel with cream cheese, coffee and hopefully a book. Eating my breakfast alone in silence was important to me. It helped me be more productive the rest of the day.

When we went to Turkey in 2016, I was at a place where I was determined to give myself priority, To not brush off what I wanted. To actually tell my husband what I wanted. My husband is so kind and caring but if I didn’t speak up then how was he supposed to know what I wanted? In turkey I bought a 1000 piece puzzle. It took me a while to finally open it. (I wanted the perfect place which did not exist, I eventually opted for a plastic table in my bedroom next to the window. It worked.) This opened a new door for me. I didn’t know how relaxing puzzles were. I enjoyed working on it so much. It became part of my mornings. I even ordered two more puzzles. I framed two, the third one I never completed and eventually put away when I was going through miscarriages and my last pregnancy. I am planning on taking it out soon. I have done a couple of puzzles with my daughter. They were really helpful during the pandemic and lockdown. My daughter had the worse insomnia and we would stay up late and work on puzzles. Who knew puzzles could be so therapeutic?

I discovered that it was quite simple. These little details in my life made a huge difference in my mood. They helped me wake up happy, they helped me become more productive throughout the day. They helped me keep going on with life as a mother of 4 (then 5), as a daughter in law living with her elderly mother in law (my second mom! She deserves a post on her own I am so lucky to have her), as a wife to an extremely busy and hardworking husband… I had finally started to balance all my responsibilities and still do things for myself. Life changing! Literally.