Having a Big Family
Photo by Ricardo Moura on Unsplash
I’m afraid that when I talk about losing myself when I became a mom, I will give the wrong impression. Losing yourself doesn’t mean your miserable, it doesn’t mean your unhappy. I’ve never regretted having my kids so close together in age. It was hard, I won’t deny that but I was happy. I love my kids and I love being a mother, I came from a big family, I have 5 younger siblings. Three of them are at least ten years younger than me. We did help out with our siblings, but I was never a second mother. Something I will always be grateful for. I remember once during Eid celebrations; my brothers and cousins went to the mini mart nearby and bought a lot of junk food. They went without permission and didn’t get punished because the upset stomach they got was punishment enough, they were all vomiting and in a bad state. My aunt asked my mom; why don’t you let your older kids help clean up the mess with you, my mother answered: This is my job I am the mom. They will become moms one day and will clean plenty of vomit. Let them be kids. I will always be grateful for that.
When my kids were all young, my life revolved around them; breakfast, lunch and dinner. Playtime outside in the afternoon depending on the season. Showers and dinner at sunset and then they were all off to bed. It’s funny how now that I look back, it was not easy, but it was simple, I didn’t have the bigger worries I have now with my older children. Our days were simple, eat, play, sleep, repeat. I would do crafts, make forts with them, we planned parties together and made decorations. I admit it wasn’t always easy but I have so many fond memories of the parties we threw. We played with play dough, drew with chalk outside in the front yard, we had a kiddie pool and sand box, a slide. We had so much fun outside when it wasn’t too hot or too cold.
My day did revolve around laundry, a shiny kitchen sink and clean children, I never succeeded in finishing house work. I realized many years later than it was ok, as long as my kids were happy and healthy, the messes could wait and they did wait and the believe it or not the world did not stop turning.
Having my kids so close to age was exhausting but fulfilling. Those sweet hugs and kisses, the dedicated drawings for mom. The thank you’s and I love you’s. It all makes it worthwhile. I still get the hugs and the thank you’s. Not as often, but often enough.
Having a big family does have its challenges, especially as they grow older. For example; I now I have a high schooler and a kindergartener, each with very different needs. In the middle are two middle schoolers, and a 5th grader. So, the way I talk to each of them, the way I handle their problems, school work, punishments (when necessary) is different. I also need to remind my kids about the age difference between them. Especially my 5-year-old who thinks he’s the same age as his siblings and should be treated the same. He has been asking for a tablet or phone and I have explained to him that he is too young. So now when I tell him let’s eat so you can grow big and strong he adds: and then you’ll buy me a phone.
I love all my children equally, I love how my conversation with each child is different. How I have special jokes with each of them. My oldest likes to cook and will go grocery shopping for me sometimes and bring me dinner ideas. My daughter loves baking and always volunteers to bake when we have a celebration. My two middle kids are into different things and I try to give them individual time though lately I’ve been so busy I have been feeling guilty about nit giving them enough time. My youngest is still s young and needs to play with toys and use his imagination. That’s why I designated a room for toys and playing with no tv. (it’s not ready yet, hopefully soon. I will post a photo as soon as its ready.) I try my best to give every child their special needs. I only have one daughter and a lot of times she feels left out from her brothers’ games. I try to let her invite her friends whenever she can. It took us a couple of weeks but she finally had a friend over a week ago.
I may regret losing myself, but I don’t regret all the days (and nights) I spent with my kids building train tracks and Lego castles and drinking “cookie jar” tea and eating paper cookies. My daughter had some cardboard cookies that she scanned and printed and cut out so she could have enough for siblings and cousins. These memories, make t all worth it. I do wish I could have found a way to not lose myself, but its ok, I wouldn’t be who I am today, if I wasn’t lost and then found.