My List
My List
This was written back in September. I have since completed my first 10k trail race that I will post about soon inshallah.
Last October, I mentioned I celebrated a milestone birthday. I’ve realized that what age is just a number, it doesn’t dictate who we are or what we’ve become. There is always room for change and improvement! So, I decided to write a list. A list of things I wanted to accomplish, things I wanted to become, little things, big things. Not a to do list, a list of goals and achievements. I have achieved many of those things. I haven’t even completed my list but I think that’s ok. I add things when I think of them. It doesn’t need to s specific number of things. I don’t need a set date to complete it. It’s a list of goals and dreams. A list to help me grow, and be more whatever it is I want to be. It’s an everything list. Something to help me find myself again.
I open it from time to time, to remind myself of what I want to do, to add to it, to check things off of it. (My favorite part!)
I completed my first 10k back in February, finally started renovating the second floor. I’ve taken the leap and included my kitchen, which I had a love/hate relationship with. I had 2 piercings last September, now I have 7! Yes, that was on the list, though I never intended on getting so many, but that’s how it happened and I love them all. They aren’t too bold, more; subtle and elegant, I think.
Completing Tuwaiq Trail Race (An ultra-marathon (50k), half marathon, 10k Trail Race on Tuwaiq mountain is on my list. I was almost ready to take it off my list when my personal trainer (and friend) said she’d join me. I am so excited! A little scared, too. I am afraid of heights but I’ve been overcoming my fear through the years and I know we can do this. We’ve already started planning! We will be doing the 10k inshallah.
I want to start a small garden on my balcony, furnish my balcony before the weather is cool enough to sit outside. (hopefully soon, I am so done with this heat!)
I have some gym related goals that I’ve spoken to my personal trainer about and we are working on together.
When my kitchen is ready I have some small cooking/ baking goals.
I’ve made small goals, like drinking 3 liters of water a day, brushing my teeth twice a day, and reading at least 30 minutes. I am behind n my 12 books this year goal. Although I’m slowly catching up after discovering the joy of rereading childhood favorites.
I think the list is more like a plan, how I want to become more me and who this me is. I’m not 100% sure who that is but I plan on enjoying the journey as I discover her.
Growing older
Photo by Thomas Curryer on Unsplash
Even though I’ve written about growing older, I’ve mentioned last year was a milestone birthday for me. I think part of me is still wondering where all the years went. Sometimes something will trigger it, and I will sit and think well where did my thirties go? How fast my twenties passed by! I know I’m always in awe at how fast my kids grow older, how did my oldest turn 16 last Tuesday?! At the same time; it seems I was sixteen only yesterday. I remember how it felt to be so young and carefree. Because let’s be honest, I didn’t have care in the world when I was 16. I had golden summers; walking to the rec center to swim some laps before my friends arrived and we’d stand and talk in the pool and play some games like: Marco-polo. I’d sit in the sun and hope to get a tan only to get freckles which I hated. I would shower and meet with my friends in the greasy scented cafeteria, skip the fries because they were unhealthy and I just swam! I’d go home and eat some strawberry yoghurt, my favorite “treat” because I didn’t like candy and would try to cut back on chocolate, my favorite thing. I was obsessed with being healthy and I made sure I had that perfect waist. I spent my evenings reading and would stay up late to finish a book, I’d sleep in (what a luxury!) and wake up when my family was having lunch, but I could not skip breakfast, because you can’t eat lunch food for breakfast, obviously!
Half my twenties flew by while in college, I was drowning in college work, and barely had time for anything, I always gave sleep priority. As busy as I was, I was still me, I was still Nuha. When I graduated, I felt that I needed to make up for lost time; I was married but lived in a different city for an entire year, plus being completely exhausted graduating, pregnant. I decided I didn’t want to work before I gave birth to my first child. I was content, at home, reorganizing everything my way and finally feeling content with my quiet life at home. It was nice not having any submissions for a change.
Then in November 2007, my first child was born. It was a big change, it was hard because I wanted to do everything myself. I was incredibly stubborn and didn’t want to ask for help, because I obviously did all the research, read all the books and my way was the only right way. (You can laugh, I’ve talked about my adventures as a new mom before.)
So, from 2007, until 2020 I was either pregnant or breastfeeding, with really short breaks in the middle. That’s a long time and it was draining, mentally and physically! I think, I didn’t really realize how lost I was until after my fourth was born, maybe because my two oldest were 7, and 5 so they were more independent. My third was three and potty trained. So at least I only had one baby in diapers. I remember when people would ask me how life was with 4 kids I would tell them, I felt like I was in control when they were three but now I’m not in control! It was hard. With my fourth I nursed him until he was two, I did have a short break between nursing and my first miscarriage, then a short break before my second miscarriage. It’s funny how a miscarriage is harder than a full-term pregnancy mentally because your body goes through such a dramatic change in a short period of time yet, you are left with empty arms, and no baby. Mourning the loss of my two angel babies was hard when I needed to be present for my kids. I think I made it harder for myself because I didn’t talk to anyone about it, I didn’t think anyone understood. We are used to and answering when people ask; “How are you?” with: “Fine thank you”. When sometimes we need to tell the truth. Sometimes I’m not fine and that’s ok.
(I talked about my miscarriages here)
In the 5 years between my fourth child and fifth child’s births I had a small break, my kids were self-dependent; dressing themselves, eating by themselves, going to the bathroom on their own, so I could leave them at home with their grandmother while I went to the gym, or ran a quick errand.
That was a huge milestone. Being able to say: good bye, kids I’m going to the gym I won’t be long! To see them wave and smile while they played. It was a big deal for me! That independence was priceless! I didn’t used to go out much when they were younger because I had to take them all with me and I would always get stares and smiles form people as I walked like a mama duck with my little ducklings behind me. I remember how stressful it was to go out with them. I would be on super alert mode and I would always go home with a headache. I remember once when I was pregnant with my third, I decided that it would be a good idea to take my two children shopping with me at the mall, even though my husband was home and offered to watch them. My oldest was 4 at the time and discovered that he was small enough to hide under the clothes racks and then would giggle silently while I called his name in panic! Thank goodness his sister was young enough for the stroller and couldn’t hide with him.
When they became older it took me a while to realize that going out with them wasn’t as stressful anymore because I didn’t have to worry about one of them getting lost.
I celebrated my 30th birthday with 3 kids, I had 4 more pregnancies, 2 more babies in my thirties. This was when I slowly started finding myself, but, I realize now that I was still lost because I didn’t know who I wanted to be, the person I lost didn’t fit in my life now, I wanted to be a different person, I still had a long way to go. I started going to the gym more regularly, I tried multiple gyms. I bought books to read for enjoyment not self-improvement. I discovered a new hobby: puzzles, though I did pause that for a couple of years after my youngest was born. Isn’t it interesting how we can put ourselves on the back burner so easily for our kids? We need to realize, that’s not necessary. If my blog does anything, I want it to tell all mothers from all over the world; you don’t need to lose yourself, you don’t need to put yourself last, you need to ask for help, delegate, make time for yourself. I know it’s not as easy as it sounds. I know it’s actually really hard I am still trying to find myself, I’m still discovering who I am. I’m embracing little things that used to bring me joy that I let go of even though I didn’t have to. I’m discovering my new night time and morning routines. I’ve started going to the gym in the morning which is great because I don’t have the mom guilt of leaving my kids, and it gives me more time. I went through a period of dizziness at the gym last year and I’m finally over it and back to my intense workouts and it feels amazing!
I have more time on my hands in the mornings and I’m figuring out what I want to do with it.
I’m changing the way I look at myself and my own appearance. I think maybe I’m a little bolder. I’m trying to accept my mom belly that still isn’t 100% gone and I’m trying not to worry about people thinking I’m pregnant because it doesn’t matter what they think.
I’ve spoken about how I’m changing, and I’m embracing it. I understand now how moms change when they get older, they are at a new phase of their life, a phase when their aren’t people depending on them as much, they’ve been so focused on the wellbeing of others, it really is like we were hibernating and its spring and were blossoming. We’re older, we have more time for ourselves, we are wiser. It’s our midlife blossoming. I still haven’t fully blossomed. I’m getting there.
A Pause for Peace
I haven’t posted on my blog since October 7th. That day will have a lot of meaning and significance for a lot of people around the world, but not in a good way. A lot has happened and if any good came with it I would say it opened the eyes of so many people about the truth. I know I’m speaking in riddles but my blog is not a political blog. It is a mom blog, I want to connect with all moms around the world and help myself and hopefully others, navigate our journey that is motherhood without losing ourselves, or finding ourselves if we are already lost.
But my pause the past five weeks was also for motherhood, it was for lost childhoods, it was for humanity. I’d like to think there is at least a little humanity left in this world. Although the events since October 7th gave me doubts.
I don’t know what to say, I know no words will bring back the dead, heal the injured or rebuild the demolished. I will always stand with peace and condemn the killing of innocent people. My words may not have an impact on world peace but I feel responsible as a human to speak up.
I will continue to post starting next week, but I have not and will in no way forget all the innocent who have died, been injured or displaced because of war. I will continue to keep them in my thoughts and prayers and pray for world peace.
Losing Myself and Finding Myself
I think I’m doing well, I feel like I’m more me, but I’m so different than the young mother over 10 years ago. I know I can’t go back and be her, because I’ve changed and that’s ok. I hope you don’t think I’m obsessing about losing myself and finding myself. I’m not. The thing is, it’s a long process, realizing you are lost is the first step, working towards finding yourself is a whole journey of its own. I’m happy where I am now, I’m not there yet but I’m getting there.
I used to be such a girly girl, I always had soft hands, perfect cuticles and the softest feet. I was a very relaxed person, I was a dreamy, poetry-writing person. At university I had one class a week where I had to go to the other campus where all the other colleges were, I didn’t have any friends taking the same class and all my classmates would rush off to their other classes or go home while I had to wait for the bus. So, I would sit outside on the grass (when the weather permitted) I would always have a notebook and a pencil (always a pencil because all those thoughts couldn’t be written with anything else) I usually had a chocolate, maybe some coffee. I would sit and admire the clouds and write my thoughts. I even named that notebook a collection of thoughts. I still secretly wanted to be a poet. I would also sit and read and whenever someone I knew found me there they were always surprised how I could sit outside on the grass alone so peacefully.
When we went to the beach I used to wear socks because the salty water made the soft sand too rough for my soft feet, I loved sitting on the beach watching the waves. I think I really became a part of the gulf and it is something I always miss when I haven’t been there recently. Even when we visit a different body of water, no matter how peaceful and beautiful and wonderful it is, it’s not the gulf.
When I got married I think I had this idea in my head of what a wife should be, I thought a wife was responsible for everything in the household, I never thought, I can always delegate, yes, I am the big boss who orchestrates everything and makes sure everything is done and in harmony. But, you don’t need to do all this yourself. Also, your husband, he’s your partner, that means he’s responsible too. It’s funny, because I’ve heard women from all over the world talk about this misconception. It’s funny how women from all over the world, had the same idea of what a wife is “supposed” to be. I’m glad that’s changed. I’m proud to say that the newer generations, get it more than we did. I see it in my husband’s nieces, they are moms, they have their own careers and they seem to balance things fine. They aren’t doing everything. I think that’s essential in not losing yourself.
When I got married we decided to have kids after I graduated so I could focus on my graduation. A graduation thesis and project were a lot. I graduated pregnant, like we planned. (I talk about that here) So when I had my first baby, we agreed I would stay home with the baby, I didn’t want to leave him with anyone. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter when my son was only 11 months old. I was pregnant or nursing from 2007 until 2020 with a couple of short breaks. When I wrote this down it made me really realize it’s a lot!
In the 17 years we’ve been married I was pregnant or nursing for 13 of them.
The first five years were maybe the hardest because I was still adjusting to living in a new city, my husband worked two shifts, late hours, weekends, I didn’t have my family in town, I had three young babies then I became pregnant with my fourth. My second, fourth and last pregnancy were difficult, I was put on modified bed rest and had to take something to stop contractions, with my last I needed blood thinners.
I didn’t sleep much, I barely had time for showers, I lost the desire to dress up because I was tired all the time and it seemed like a lost cause when I would end up smelling like spit up soon enough, I didn’t brush my hair regularly which would lead to tangled difficult to brush hair, I would use loads of conditioner to help untangle my hair when I got the chance, I stopped brushing my teeth before bed and basically all my bedtime rituals went out the window. By the time the kids were asleep I was either asleep with them in some uncomfortable position or barely awake enough to go straight to bed. Who cared about oral hygiene I need to sleep so I could function the next day. I started trying new routines, I’d brush my teeth with the kids, I left a toothbrush in their bathroom and one in my bathroom, I would put my pajamas on before the kids bed time so at least I would go to bed in my pajamas, I tried brushing my hair while I sat with the kids but I would eventually get distracted and pull it up in a bun. I barely put make up on because then it would need washing off before bed which usually never happened. I wore comfortable nursing friendly clothes for the longest time until once I noticed what my closet looked like and attempted to completely change my wardrobe.
Through all this the one thing I remained consistent with was losing the baby weight, that was something I did not let go of, as soon as I was physically capable I would start exercising. I would do it with my kids in the living room, my third would even grab my finger and start kicking mimicking Leslie Sansone’s workouts. I think that one thing saved me from being completely consumed by motherhood.
During this period of early motherhood, my computer broke, it had my graduation project on it and I trusted no one to fix it so for a while I was a little isolated from the world, that led to losing touch with so many people, but like I said in my post about friends, the ones that were meant to stay in my life came back. But I guess that made it hard, I wasn’t alone but I was lonely for a friend.
I don’t blame anyone I don’t blame the circumstances it just happened and I’m grateful that I caught myself before I was completely gone.
When my fourth was born I had decided I had enough of the grey hairs that were starting to appear (genetics not old age) I started dying my hair. That time at the hair salon was pure bliss, it did take some planning, usually my youngest sister in law would be my hero and watch my kids while I went to get pampered. It was always someone from my husband’s family, like I mentioned before, they are my family. I am so lucky to have them.
Another thing I started doing was going to the gym. I did exercise at home but at the gym I was Nuha again and I’ve talked about how important that was to me. I loved being called mama but for the longest time it seemed I was only mama and I forgot who I was. That I was my own person and not just my kids’ mother. It may not seem like a big difference but it is. I needed to remember who I was I guess that’s when I realized how lost I was.
Between my 4th son and my 5th, despite the pregnancies and miscarriages, I managed to remember who I was again, I started giving myself more time and doing things I loved. I had found YOUapp which I’ve talked about more than once. It really played a big role in helping me become more mindful, realize how small actions can have a big impact, and really give myself time. The YOU-community and YOU-friends played a big role in this and still do to this day to which I am grateful!
During the pandemic, lockdown, and about two years of distance learning, I had so much going on I went back to my old ways, I really didn’t have the time with school on line at two different shifts I had school all day, plus being present with my mother in law, who loved going out and having gusts and was stuck at home with only direct family visiting. I know it was a difficult time for the whole world and I’m grateful for all the people who stood together to help us pass through that difficult time.
The past three years, as life slowly went back to normal I started to give myself more time and take care of me more. I’ve slowly started to find myself again and it feels great! Despite the stress of two major renovations over the past two years, planning and starting this blog has helped me a lot. I’ve completed a year of blogging and posting every Saturday (with one exception) and posting sometimes in between and in the middle of the night.
I am grateful for everyone who has read a post, commented, and supported me on my journey. I hope this blog has helped someone and I hope it continues to help moms find themselves or even better never lose themselves as you follow me on my journey to be me again while I care for my family.
Having a Big Family
Photo by Ricardo Moura on Unsplash
I’m afraid that when I talk about losing myself when I became a mom, I will give the wrong impression. Losing yourself doesn’t mean your miserable, it doesn’t mean your unhappy. I’ve never regretted having my kids so close together in age. It was hard, I won’t deny that but I was happy. I love my kids and I love being a mother, I came from a big family, I have 5 younger siblings. Three of them are at least ten years younger than me. We did help out with our siblings, but I was never a second mother. Something I will always be grateful for. I remember once during Eid celebrations; my brothers and cousins went to the mini mart nearby and bought a lot of junk food. They went without permission and didn’t get punished because the upset stomach they got was punishment enough, they were all vomiting and in a bad state. My aunt asked my mom; why don’t you let your older kids help clean up the mess with you, my mother answered: This is my job I am the mom. They will become moms one day and will clean plenty of vomit. Let them be kids. I will always be grateful for that.
When my kids were all young, my life revolved around them; breakfast, lunch and dinner. Playtime outside in the afternoon depending on the season. Showers and dinner at sunset and then they were all off to bed. It’s funny how now that I look back, it was not easy, but it was simple, I didn’t have the bigger worries I have now with my older children. Our days were simple, eat, play, sleep, repeat. I would do crafts, make forts with them, we planned parties together and made decorations. I admit it wasn’t always easy but I have so many fond memories of the parties we threw. We played with play dough, drew with chalk outside in the front yard, we had a kiddie pool and sand box, a slide. We had so much fun outside when it wasn’t too hot or too cold.
My day did revolve around laundry, a shiny kitchen sink and clean children, I never succeeded in finishing house work. I realized many years later than it was ok, as long as my kids were happy and healthy, the messes could wait and they did wait and the believe it or not the world did not stop turning.
Having my kids so close to age was exhausting but fulfilling. Those sweet hugs and kisses, the dedicated drawings for mom. The thank you’s and I love you’s. It all makes it worthwhile. I still get the hugs and the thank you’s. Not as often, but often enough.
Having a big family does have its challenges, especially as they grow older. For example; I now I have a high schooler and a kindergartener, each with very different needs. In the middle are two middle schoolers, and a 5th grader. So, the way I talk to each of them, the way I handle their problems, school work, punishments (when necessary) is different. I also need to remind my kids about the age difference between them. Especially my 5-year-old who thinks he’s the same age as his siblings and should be treated the same. He has been asking for a tablet or phone and I have explained to him that he is too young. So now when I tell him let’s eat so you can grow big and strong he adds: and then you’ll buy me a phone.
I love all my children equally, I love how my conversation with each child is different. How I have special jokes with each of them. My oldest likes to cook and will go grocery shopping for me sometimes and bring me dinner ideas. My daughter loves baking and always volunteers to bake when we have a celebration. My two middle kids are into different things and I try to give them individual time though lately I’ve been so busy I have been feeling guilty about nit giving them enough time. My youngest is still s young and needs to play with toys and use his imagination. That’s why I designated a room for toys and playing with no tv. (it’s not ready yet, hopefully soon. I will post a photo as soon as its ready.) I try my best to give every child their special needs. I only have one daughter and a lot of times she feels left out from her brothers’ games. I try to let her invite her friends whenever she can. It took us a couple of weeks but she finally had a friend over a week ago.
I may regret losing myself, but I don’t regret all the days (and nights) I spent with my kids building train tracks and Lego castles and drinking “cookie jar” tea and eating paper cookies. My daughter had some cardboard cookies that she scanned and printed and cut out so she could have enough for siblings and cousins. These memories, make t all worth it. I do wish I could have found a way to not lose myself, but its ok, I wouldn’t be who I am today, if I wasn’t lost and then found.
Grief
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
This post was written two weeks ago.
Grief is a strange, strange thing. It’s something I can don’t fully understand yet. I’m still grieving my maternal grandmother who passed away in November 2022. Even though she lived in a different city and I didn’t see her a lot as an adult (something I regret a lot!) I used to call her a lot and I’ve picked up the phone so many times over the past months, only to remember she’s no longer there to answer the phone.
I’ve been having these dreams the past couple of weeks. In them, I’m at my grandmother’s house and all my aunts and uncles are there, we’re having a good time and I’m telling myself I need to visit more often, then I remember, she’s not there anymore, in the dream, no one understands my tears, they’ve all grieved and moved on, while I haven’t because this is the first time I visit since she’s passed. I usually wake up crying or cry as soon as I remember my dream. Right now, I never want to visit the city of Taif again. I never want to set foot in her house. I don’t want to feel the void she has left and see it with my eyes.
I know my uncle (who lived with her) will start to make changes to the house. That is his right, but I don’t know if I can accept it. Because then it will make it real. It will force me to realize that she is no longer here. She is gone forever.
This grief has changed my perspective in some things, like how much time I spend with my MIL it has made not having her live with us over the past 4 months while we renovated much harder. It has pushed me to take the kids to my sister in laws house (where she is staying) every day after school for the past three weeks. even though it is so hot and traffic is so much worse when we go home. Sometimes I need to be home with the workers and sometimes I’m so exhausted but I know it is worth every second stuck in traffic to see her face light up as we walk in, listen to her ask my kids about school, ask me about the renovation. She likes to joke with my kindergartner that she wants to go to school with him. He always laughs and tells her grandmothers can’t go to kindergarten. I have done everything I can to bring her back home as fast as possible. At the same time, I have this feeling of guilt that I’m taking her away from her daughter. I understand her daughter’s joy in having her mother live with her over the past months. I wish there was a way for us to live together. I know I would want my parents to live with me when they are too old to live by themselves. I am already campaigning for them to move to my neighborhood. So, my kids can walk to their houses and I can drop by at any time of the day. I would love to be able to drop by for a cup of coffee, send them a plate of food I’ve cooked or cookies my daughter baked. If you’ve ever lived far away from your parents you will understand.
Losing my grandmother has taught me that grief is different for everyone and it’s different with every person you are grieving. When my paternal grandfather passed away, my grief was heavy with guilt and that guilt ate away at me until I turned that guilt into something positive and I started calling my grandmother every day. Since I couldn’t go back in time and call my grandfather I started calling her. I didn’t want to feel the overwhelming guilt I felt when he passed away. I’m so grateful I did this. I think it helped me heal after my grandfather passed away.
I don’t know what to do to help me heal now. I don’t talk to my mother about how much it hurts because I know she is still hurting too.
I still have the few things my grandmother had knitted for me, the jacket she knitted for my oldest when he was a baby, the slippers she knitted for me in highschool that are too small for me now. When they went through her things they found a silk scarf I had bought her on our trip to Turkey. I used to always try to convince her to travel with me to visit her family abroad. She didn’t like to travel and used to tell me to travel myself and bring her back a gift, so I did. I’m grateful for all the memories I have with her. I want my kids to make as mayn’t memories as possible with their grandparents.
I think if anything, grief has taught me that we need to spend as much time as possible with our loved ones, we need to be present with them, really listen. Distance isn’t an excuse, a phone call or a message can really connect you.
I know it hurts to lose someone you love, but in a way that pain helps you remember them and pray for them. I’m not sure I ever want that the ache to completely go away. There is something comforting about it, it keeps her close in my heart.
My Mother In Law
Photo by Stefan Vladimirov on Unsplash
I would like to apologize for not posting last Saturday, with the renovation and everything going on in my life right now I just wasn’t able to write. This post is special to me and I hope you enjoy reading it.
Growing up, I always saw how mother’s in law were perceived as evil people and the enemy on tv. I didn’t have anyone to compare this to because my paternal grandmother passed away when I was really young and I have no memory of her. As I write this I realize I never thought of my maternal grandmother as my dad’s MIL. She didn’t fit the part. My paternal grandfather also adored my mother and they had a great relationship.
When I got married, my grandmother used to always ask about my in laws, she would ask me: how is your family? and she meant: in laws. At first, I was offended and would complain to my mother: why does she say that? She is my family! Has she disowned me? Then, I realized: she was right, they are my family, they are important to my husband, they are my children’s, grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins... they are my family!
I’m lucky I was blessed with amazing in laws. I love them all and care for them like they were the family I was born into. I’m grateful for them and I know they made moving to a different city where a didn’t know anyone so much easier.
I think a big part of this is, my mother in law, she is the back bone of the family, she is kind and caring yet she is clear about what her expectations are for the family. She welcomes everyone and treats all equally. I see how she loves and respects all of her daughters and sons in law. She is my role model in how I want my family to be when I am a mother in law one day inshallah.
She is an amazing person, I am writing about her today as we celebrate her coming home again after 4 long months away while we renovated her kitchen and laundry room, fixed up some other things, and completely made over the second floor.
It is good to have her back. I know she is happy to be home and we are all so grateful to have her home with us. Everything is different when she is home. Everything is better. We have breakfast, lunch and dinner with her to some extent. (Depending on who’s home and if she has family over)
She loves to cook so with the help of a full-time helper and sometimes my help, she cooks. I cook too sometimes, depending on how she’s feeling. I’ve tried over the years to learn to cook like her, my food may be good but it will never be as good as her cooking. She cooks with love and you can taste it in every bite. Feeding the family brings her joy. Eating her food brings so many people joy too. You can see it on my kids’ faces when they know what’s for lunch, they each have their own favorites but anything she makes is delicious and loved by all. She makes the best tabbouleh I have ever had and no matter how much I try to replica it, it’s never the same. Maybe I need to put a little more love in it.
She has been through so much through her life but you couldn’t tell if you met her. She has so much faith, hope and optimism. She lives in the present and looks forward to the future though she hasn’t forgotten the past and I love hearing her stories.
She was born in Palestine, had to walk out of her home to neighboring Lebanon. She was one of the lucky ones whose family could afford to rent an apartment. She has so many fond memories of her childhood in Palestine and Lebanon. She married my father in law (may God have mercy on his soul) who I never got the pleasure of meeting. She moved to Riyadh soon after they were married. When she moved here she didn’t know anyone. Riyadh was still a small town with small mud houses and dirt roads. They had a couple live with them so the wives could keep each other company while the husbands worked. She made many, many, friends who were like family in a country where she had none. She made the most of her circumstances, gave birth to most of her children in that mud house. Even when they moved to a modern house, she still gave birth at home. It was the norm back then. She had midwives come assist her and her neighbors and friends were there to lend a hand and watch the kids.
She went through miscarriages, lost a newborn and lost a son in a tragic accident. Despite all that she remained strong. She was the youngest among her siblings which means she’s lost them all. She’s lost her husband too, many friends and neighbors. It is hard to outlive the ones you love. Yet she is full of love and hope.
She inspires me and I want to be just like her when I grow up.
The Last Renovation (I hope)
Photo by Milivoj Kuhar on Unsplash
Back in May I wrote about our past experience with renovations and mentioned our last phase in renovating our house. (My husband’s childhood home that he was born in.)
Since May, we have (almost) finished my mother in law’s kitchen and laundry room. Upstairs we finished two rooms and added a new bathroom and corridor. We’ve renewed the exterior stairs. We are now on the second-half of the second floor. We are working on two more bedrooms, the living room, my kitchen and a bathroom! We are also fixing the stairs inside the house. The house originally was built in more than one phase so it has its quirks, like half the stairs being concrete while the other half is steel and wood. We also had two different banisters, that we have finally removed and installed a new banister. The staircase also had a window that opened into my old bedroom. My husband had boarded it up from the inside but it always looked gloomy to me because it looked as if it was dark and cloudy.
It is a big project! We’ve accomplished so much but it has been exhausting. I am so ready for all of this to be over!
My house is in complete chaos! I don’t have a kitchen, my mother in law’s kitchen is usable, but I don’t want to use it until she comes back. (hopefully soon. I’ve made a makeshift kitchenet in my new laundry room. I borrowed an electric stove top from my mother, I have a small fringe that’s big enough for breakfast and school lunch basics We do have a full-sized fridge in the storage room outside that I’m using until I have my own. The “play room” is now the living room. The “art room” is now storage for all my kitchen things and my daughter’s things. My boys are all sharing a room. My daughter has moved into our family room upstairs. She doesn’t have her own personal space and it’s been very hard on her, I can’t blame her.
The third floor which was the most organized space, has become cluttered with books my husband needs to go through and decide what he wants to keep and what he wants to donate. We also have a couple of boxes of random things that need sorting through.
All this clutter plus the never-ending layer of fine white dust from the construction has been frustrating. Having workers in the middle of the house is also difficult. It’s hard to have almost no privacy. Even though the workers are very respectful of boundaries. But we literally have a blue plastic curtain hanging in between the new side (what my kids have named the future) and the side under construction (the past)
I can’t wait to be finished. I can’t wait to have everything organized. I can’t wait for my mother in law to be back home. I can’t wait to have my home back, my privacy back.
I know it will be worth it all, but right now I guess I’ve had enough. Four months of construction while you are living in the house, overseeing the project yourself and buying all the finishing material yourself plus being a mom of five is a lot. I’m trying to balance everything and I’m trying my best to take care of myself too.
I know I haven’t posted much about the renovation on social media. Honestly, I’ve never been on social media much and I’m still getting the hang of it. I don’t have any “after” photos yet. So, bear with me, the end is near. Inshallah.
Third Day of School
Photo by Georgie Cobbs on Unsplash
This post was written on Tuesday, the actual third day of school.
As I sit at my computer drinking my second coffee of the day realizing this is my first quiet morning of the school year. I dropped my now 9th grader and kindergartner at school. I stayed long enough for my kindergarten to go in his class willingly then I left. We had agreed the day before that today I would drop him off and leave.
When I got home I was on the phone making arrangements for multiple renovation-related things and didn’t realize I was actually home alone (well, if you don’t count the guy painting on the ground floor)
I don’t think I’ve been home alone once all summer long. I made myself a cup of coffee, ate a plain bagel, and sat down to get some work done. that’s when I realized: I’m home alone! Something I’ve missed all summer long. I think one of the things I enjoy about my quiet mornings, isn’t the quiet. My kids aren’t always very noisy, what I like is that I can sit and focus on my own tasks without being interrupted, and without feeling guilty. I’m not thinking of all the things I should be doing with the kids. I know they are all safe at school busy learning new things and having fun (hopefully) with their friends. I can focus on myself without the guilt. It is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I know all parents, whether you’re a stay at home, work at home or work out of the home parent, there is always that guilt. Even when you are working to provide for your children, you still feel that guilt for not spending more time with your children.
At least now that school has started, I can use my mornings to get things done, so I can give them my undivided attention when they get back from school so I can here about their day, have lunch together and help with homework when I’m needed.
I confess even though I was worried how I was going to manage a new school year when I already feel so drained, I know that school does give me a break so I can be more present and focused when they are home.
I try my best to use my mornings to get things done but also to recharge so I have the energy they need when they are home. present I have plenty of busy mornings, running errands and working around the house. I try to balance between productivity and recharging. Some mornings I nap, some I sit on the sofa with a book and a cup of coffee. I usually have some puzzle time with breakfast. All small things to help me recharge.
As we start a new school year with new milestones. My youngest is in kindergarten, he will be my last kindergartener. My oldest is in the 11th grade, which means he has two years until he graduates from high school and move on to college. My third is in middle school. How do they grow so fast? My 9th grader, as I mentioned, moved to a new school and is slowly getting to know her new classmates and adjusting. My fourth is in the 5th grade, which ads new subjects to his curriculum. Each child has their own milestones, challenges they will face through the year, I will try to use my quiet mornings to get thing's done and recharge so I am present and there when they need me.
Summer Break Burnout
Photo by Emile Guillemot on Unsplash
This post was written about three weeks ago.
Do you know that never ending feeling when the days and the nights seem to be one long piece of time? When the days are so long, the nights not long enough and sleep seems to be something you did in the past. When you forget what day of the week it is yet, the weeks seem so long and the weekends too short. The only reason you know it is the weekend is because you have your husband home for some much-needed adult company? That is what summer vacation feels like to me at the moment. Expect I do have adult conversations with the contractor and people working on our house. But its not the pleasant, fulfilling reenergizing type of conversation, it is the draining; how much will this cost? how long will this take? type of talk.
I’ve been feeling off lately. I can’t really blame it in one thing. I’ve been nonstop busy, before summer vacation it was preparing to redo my mother in laws kitchen, kids’ and finals, planning the renovation upstairs. I was still going to doctors’ appointments too to finally resolve the dizzy issue I’ve been having. I’m on medication and hopefully that’s the answer.
Finals ended and summer vacation began for the kids, which did lighten the load in a sense for me but it also meant starting the renovation upstairs. I had to balance between trying to organize things and pack up half of the house so we could start renovating half of the second floor. I had to go buy materials for the new rooms. I still had 5 kids that were now bored at home. I needed to make sure they were fed and somewhat amused. I went back to the gym after a month absence because I had so much going on I dropped the only thing I did for myself because it was easier that way.
I am back to going to the gym as many times as I can. I am trying to give myself time while I take care of everyone and everything. It’s a lot but I know I can manage. Sometimes I feel guilty feeling this way. I know I am so blessed! I do count my blessings and I know so many moms are guilty for feeling this way. I know I am doing my best balancing everything. I can’t help but wonder; did we make the right choice not putting them in any summer programs. Was hiring a tutor enough structure for the summer? Should I have done something fun with them instead of leaving them home to keep themselves busy while I shop for tiles? Did we eat too much junk? Am I making up for boredom by giving in to their cravings? Should I find a program that includes physical activity? It really is too hot to play outside! I should have arranged for a play date with their friends… The thing is these kinds of questions and the sometimes-overwhelming guilt never seem to go away. The truth is I’m not a bad mom no matter what the questions and doubts in my head tell me. I’m working hard to finish this renovation as soon as possible. I still give them time, cook the meals, and make sure they eat fresh fruit and vegetables. I make sure they go to bed at a reasonable time and they see their cousins (brothers by milk) almost every day. They are fine and will not be scarred by life because of this one summer when I was so busy working, we didn’t do a single thing off of our summer bucket list. (well we did make origami dogs) I know they appriciate my hard work and it will be worth it when it is all over and we live in the “future” as my kids have named the half-done part of the renovation.
So, as the summer comes to an end I know my kids will remember the fun times we had, the craziness of renovating a house while living in it. They will remember so many sleep overs with their cousins and just their siblings while we play “musical rooms” and move from room to room fixing them up so they are upgraded from the “past” to the “future”
Friends
Photo by Josue Michel on Unsplash
What is a friend? What makes a person you know, a friend? I’ve been thinking about this as I try to make new friends and keep in touch with old friends. I’ve spoken about how I lost myself when I was a young mother busy with 4 young children. I lost contact with so many friends and moving to a different city didn’t help. Being a stay at home mom has made it more difficult for me to make new friends since I didn’t get out much. I have met a couple of moms at school and we do keep in touch via messages but we don’t really meetup or connect much. I’ve talked about how I try to become friends with my children’s friends’ moms. I’ve talked about how the gym was my time alone and I avoided socializing. Until, I started going to a new gym, started working out with a person trainer, we’ve gotten closer over the past year and sometimes I wonder, are we friends? I’ve met two sweet girls who share the same personal trainer at the gym. We’ve exchanged numbers, encourage each other to go to the gym and eat healthy. We’ve supported each other when we went through losing a family member. Are we friends? We don’t talk regularly, we don’t always see each other at the gym. We do ask about each other, our families, things going on our lives. Does that make us friends? I am 10 years older than them! Does that make me too old to be their friend? Does it matter? I don’t know why it has become so hard to make friends as adults. I miss those simple days of making faces and becoming friends when we were kids.
I don’t regret losing touch with so many people, because the people that matter are still in my life, even when we’ve lost touch for a while, when we reconnect it seems like we’ve always been in touch. I need to remember how special these friends are. It doesn’t matter if we aren’t in the same city. I have friends in different continents that have been there for me and have helped me get through hard times and have celebrated my accomplishments and joys in life.
I know I do overthink friendships. Maybe I should just be grateful for all the friends in my life whether we are still in touch or not. Their friendships were special at a time, or still are and have all made my life better and brighter. I need to remember to enjoy all the connections I make. I don’t need to be very close to them all. I guess every friend has a purpose in your life. Only some, of them are meant to be so close to you, that they know you more than you know yourself, Maybe it’s just that one friend. If you have one keep them close and realize their value. They are the best kind of friend you will ever have.
As I find myself again and make new friends, I will try not to over think things, I will try to enjoy those small moments and appreciate them.
So to all my friends past and present, thank you.
Turing Points
Photo by Roger Bradshaw on Unsplash
I know I’ve talked about being lost, about slowly finding myself again. I’ve talked about how YOUapp has played a big role in that.
Last Eid, at the family gathering with my husband’s family. When it was getting late and I was so sleepy because insomnia kept me up the night before, we were playing a game with a ball that is covered with questions, where you throw the ball to the person across from you and you have to answer the question that’s you see first. My question was: what was a Turing point in your life.
Though I was too tired to answer, I knew what the answer was: Joining the YOUapp community, I remember how lost I was, I had 4 kids, my youngest was a baby. I had no time for myself, I was very bad at giving myself priority. I didn’t know how to delegate. I thought the Earth would stop spinning if my house wasn’t clean so I never went out or did anything fun for myself because I had this never-ending guilt that my house should be clean.
This community helped me start going to the gym for the first time in my life, it taught me how to delegate. It showed me how micro actions made a big difference keeping my house clean-er never really clean because I had little kids who needed me all the time and made messes all the time and I learned that was ok.
They were there when I was lost and just beginning to find myself. They were there when I lost my grandfather, went through two miscarriages, they helped me through the stress and joy of planning my brother’s wedding. They were there for R’s diagnosis and celebrated his recovery, they were there when my sweet grandmother passed away. They witnessed my youngest’s pregnancy, delivery and in all honesty his whole life. They are real friends, even if they are all far way. This app has made something remarkable that may have seemed impossible to all of us until we came together and became a part of this community.
I am so sorry to see it slowly go, with every new phone, we lose a member on the app. But we still keep in touch in various ways.
I’ve changed in so many ways for the better and although I’m not where I want to be I am so much closer thanks to this amazing community and all of my YOU friends. I will always be grateful for finding YOUapp and becoming a part of YOU’s amazing community.
I need to emphasize that I did and still do have the love and support of my husband and family. Sometimes, you need a friend to pull you out of that rut your stuck in. I know I am who I am today because of all the amazing people in my life and for that I will always be grateful.
You see, the app was the nudge I needed, it was simple, daily micro actions that helped me accomplish so much without being the least bit overwhelming. Thats the key; micro actions. It also made me more mindful, I noticed the small details more, I found joy in the most simple things. I know there are a lot of people talking about mindfulness now, and it is a very important habit to learn. Life will never be perfect but their are so many joyful details to a day; your first cup of coffee/ tea of the day, a bird perched on your windup, a beautiful sunrise\sunset, a message from a loved one that made you smile… We just need not this moments and enjoy them.
As I continue to find balance in many aspects of my life, I hope I inspire someone who is lost too, and help them find their way. It’s so easy to lose balance in the different aspects of your life when you are busy with what seems like never ending tasks. I almost canceled my class at the gym the other day because I have so much to do, then I realized I did have time for one hour at the gym and it will defiantly do me good.
It is already August and the year is more than half way done, I think I am closer to my goal for this year; “balance”. I am doing better at taking care of myself while taking care of others. I realize that “balance” isn’t an easy goal andI’m not expecting to find 100% balance by the end of the year. As long as I’m progressing, I’ve achieved it.
I’m learning not to be too hard on myself. Celebrate the small wins, be more mindful of how I’m feeling and accept it. Accepting the ups and downs of life is important. Balance is the key.
Traveling with Kids
Photo of a waterslide on Penang Island, Malaysia.
I know some people may find traveling with young children daunting. I admit it isn’t easy, but it’s possible and even fun. We’ve traveled with young children at different ages, diapers, formula, nursing. We’ve done it all. I think the most important thing to a successful vacation with young children is being very flexible and open minded. Everything is different when you are away from home, you will have to change rules, bedtimes, routines. Your kids won’t always be as spotless as you wish they were in public. That’s ok. Try to go with the flow and have fun. Some structure is important; hungry and sleepy children will get cranky. (so will adults) In general, just have fun. Make lots of memories.
Before your trip, planning is so important. Young children (and older children) will get bored, you need to prepare entertainment for the trip whether its by car, plane, train. I like to give each child their own bag/ backpack, depending on their age and the distance of the trip.
Our first family vacation abroad was to Austria. My kids were 5, 3 and 9 months. I admit I was a little worried about traveling with young children. Especially since I had just potty trained my three-year-old. For the airplane trip I gave my two oldest a fabric lunchbox, it had snacks that weren’t too messy, a box of magnetic travel games (mostly letters and shapes) a coloring book with stickers and a small pack of colored pencils. I prefer colored pencils because they aren’t easy to break like crayons. I love these colored pencils by Crayola that don’t need sharpening. I also discovered these twistable crayons that don’t break.
We stopped at Jordan to pick up my mother in law, where I forgot the lunch boxes. So much for planning, hahaha, but that’s what I mean about being flexible and open minded. It was ok. We used them on our trip back home after dropping off my mother in law back in Jordan. We were lucky were traveling on the Austrian airlines and they gave each child an activity book and colored pencils & the gave my 9-month-old a small plush toy.
This being our first trip I did my best to plan everything and not forget a thing. I did a good job if I do say so myself. I didn’t forget anything essential. Except for toys for my 9-month-old! I literally forgot to pack a single toy. I was very grateful for the Austrian airlines. Also, babies are easy to amuse with random objects, like an empty plastic bottle.
In general, we had a great trip. We made lots of memories. We managed to find lots of activities that were fun for the kids and my mother in law enjoyed as well. The scenery there is breath taking and just sitting and admiring the mountains and the lake (Zell Am See) was such a pleasure. We mainly stayed in Vienna and Zell Am See but spent a day in Salzburg which is my favorite city in Austria. We have special memories there from our honeymoon. Experiencing everything as a family was very special.
We did learn some things from that trip. My long head cover was a huge blessing. It made it possible to nurse my baby everywhere. No one could tell what I was doing. It was long and light so it was comfortable for both of us. I know there are a lot of nursing covers available now which I think is great. Find something that suits you and your baby.
We did wish we had a baby carrier or a double stroller. Sometimes our three-year-old would get tired from all the walking so we would take turns holding one child and pushing the other in the stroller.
When we went to Turkey in 2016, my kids were 9,7,5 & 2 (almost 3) I remember we suddenly decide to go and I didn’t do as much planning as I would have liked. Something I always do is take a roll of plastic garbage bags with me. They can be so useful. For dirty laundry, shampoo, or shoes. I also keep a small roll of diaper bags in my purse. They don’t take up much space and can be very useful. We brought duffle bags that are compact and open up into a big size. They came in very handy when we bought gifts for family & for the kids. I prefer to put dirty laundry in them and the new things in our suitcases. It’s a great idea because when you store them they are pretty small, and open up into a big size that carries a lot. Nobody wants to buy a new suitcase with every travel and this is so convenient.
One important tip is to always have a backpack with essentials for kids depending on their age. Formula, snacks, wet wipes, a change of clothes for the youngest or just an extra t shirt. The two times I forgot the backpack at the hotel we needed a clean t-shirt for my 2 year old! We ended up buying him a t shirt both times. Lesson learned…
We didn’t bring our stroller because our youngest was almost three and could walk, we realized our mistake soon enough and bought an inexpensive umbrella stroller for him, that our 5 year old sat in on occasion.
I’ve forgotten so many details in these trips but I remember the special moments. Like when we stopped at a rest stop in between cities in Austria and there was a park. The kids played and collected small pine cones for me. In Turkey, we went to a park with magnificent trees, we sat and ate ice cream and my kids collected big pine cones for me. I kept them and later made two pieces of art with them. I hung them on our living room wall for the longest time. Such a simple reminder of fun family vacations.
We went to the United Arab Emirates twice in 2018. In January as a family of 6 and in December as a family of 7. I actually found out I was pregnant with my youngest while we were in Dubai! I had a strong feeling that I was pregnant and so many “symptoms” My doctor was so supportive and actually prescribed the blood thinner injections so I had them just in case. She gave me just enough for the days I would need it after my period was due. I went to see her as soon as we were home to confirm that I was pregnant.
When we went in January, we went by car. It was our first long road trip as a family. My kids were 11, 9, 7 and 4. I took travel size games; Battle Ship & Guess Who. The kids had the Nintendo with them and of course snacks. We left early in the mornings in hopes that the kids would nap. They were mostly too excited to sleep! It’s about 10 hours from Riyadh to Abu Dhabi. The trip was fun and the kids were excited to go on a road trip. We checked in around 6 pm. The kids were older and so excited. Staying in a hotel is such a luxury and kids really make you realize that. Every detail is amazing to them. They remind you not to take any small details for granted. One of my favorite moments in Abu Dhabi was going to The Louvre by myself. My husband knew I really wanted to go and even encouraged me to buy tickets online before we left Riyadh. He knew the kids wouldn’t really enjoy it and wanted me to take my time. So, he took the kids to a nearby mall to play while I walked through The Louvre and enjoyed every moment. After Abu Dhabi we went to Dubai and stayed in a beautiful resort in the middle of the desert, It was so beautiful and peaceful and exactly what I needed. I was still grieving the two babies I miscarried and the peacefulness and slow-paced days were exactly what I needed.
When we went in December, my mother I law came with us so, we went by plane. I also had a three-month-old so traveling by plane was more convenient. We went to Dubai and then Abu Dhabi. We had a great time and made a lot of memories with my mother in law. My kids are always happy when grandma travels with us. It makes everything more special and I am grateful for that.
Our last family trip was in the summer of 2019. We went to Malaysia, which was a bit of a challenge. It is a long trip with one stop in Dubai. From Dubai to Kuala Lumpur is seven and a half hours. I packed silly face stickers, coloring pages, colored pencils & “I Spy” activity pages. I also buy new books for the older kids to read.
There is also a +5 hour difference between Riyadh and Kuala Lumpur. Not to mention not being able to sleep on the airplane. The jet lag was tiring for me. Luckily my kids slept on the airplane and my husband managed to sleep the first night, while I stayed up most of the night because my biological clock was still on Riyadh time.
My youngest was ten months old, he still nursed but also ate solids. He still hadn’t started walking. We took a plane to Dubai and rushed to catch our plane to Kuala Lumpur. Since our stroller was sent with luggage, I had brought my baby carrier which was a big help at the airports. Especially getting on and off airplanes. It helped me carry him in a correct position so I didn’t strain my back and it left both off my hands free to hold hands or pull our single carry on suitcase.
When I packed for this trip. (I like to pack our suitcases and I never accept my husband’s offers to help. I enjoy it to be honest. For this trip I kept in mind that since we were going to be visiting multiple islands it would easier if we didn’t have too much luggage. I packed two big suitcases ad a small carry on suitcase for the layover in Dubai on our way back since our big suitcases would go directly to Riyadh. It isn’t easy packing light when you have 5 young children. For this trip I used zip lock bags, I packed each child’s clothes by outfit and wrote on them the name and the clothing item; pajama, underwire, t-shirts, swimming. It made it easy to find things and it helped keep the clean clothes, separated from the, worn but clean, separated from the dirty. I also used a plastic bag for dirty laundry, (the roll of bags I mentioned) After our trip to Malaysia I did some research because I wanted a reusable option rather than plastic zip lock bags and found these great fabric suitcase organizers that I bought to try out, loved and bought more. I’ve used them on short trips to visit my parents and to organize my husband’s suitcase for business trips & son’s suitcases for educational trips. I can’t wait to use them for a family vacation.
For the carry on bag for our night in Dubai, I also packed snacks for the flight back from Malaysia to Dubai. I kept it in the suitcase and we left it at the hotel since we would be coming back again before we left Malaysia. I know I could have bought snacks from Kuala Lumpur but I like to be prepared nd have snacks i know my kids like.
I don’t pack towels since hotels and swim parks will provide them, except if I have an infant in diapers. I prefer to have their own towel for them. I try to pack bottoms that aren’t too light colored and shirts with multiple colors to hide stains. Not everything that has been worn once or twice is considered dirty. The only exception to that rule is underwear and socks!
This may sound weird but I always pack a rope, clothes pins and a small box of laundry detergent. We try to find apartments where they provide washers, I prefer to use my own detergent because I have very sensitive skin. I do sometimes need to wash things by hand, I usually hang things to dry in the bathroom, most bathrooms have a built-in clothes line but I have my rope just in case.
Our stroller arrived at Kuala Lumpur Airport so bent up you’d think an elephant sat on it! My husband managed to fix it so it was usable and we used it thought out our trip until our last flight from Johor back to Kuala Lumpur where they lost our stroller. In Kuala Lumpur we bought a great stroller that folds up and goes into a fabric bag so you can take it into the airplane with you like a carry-on bag. Very convenient.
We went from Kuala Lumpur to Penang, then to Langkawi. My middle son did get sick and develop a fever, which meant late nights on the sofa making sure his fever went down, but that was ok. It’s part of being a parent. That’s what I meant about being flexible and open minded. We had to change some plans but we still had a great time. We canceled going to an amusement park because my oldest twisted his ankle and my husband took him to get it checked while I stayed with the others at the hotel. We spent the rest of the day swimming at the hotel pool and relaxing. It’s all good.
From Langkawi we went to Johor Island. Our final stop was back in Kuala Lumpur at the same hotel where we had left our carry-on bag. We spent a couple of days there before heading home.
On our way home, we spent one night in Dubai which was easier than running through the airport trying to catch a flight. It was nice to go back home with happy content kids.
Of course, traveling with young children is exhausting, but it’s so much fun and definitely worth it.
I look forward to going on a new family trip now that my kids are older and will remember and appreciate it more.
Interior Designer/Mom
Photo by Christina Winter on Unsplash
I’ve talked about the many renovations I’ve worked on for my mother in law and for us. We are currently half way done with the second floor that has the kid’s bedrooms. I’ve sat with my kids individually and as a group, depending on who’s sharing a bedroom. We’ve discussed what they want in terms of colors and designs. My older kids have a clearer idea of what they like. My oldest actually designed his room on Minecraft. My daughter drew it on her iPad. We’ve looked at furniture together. They’ve chosen paint colors on their own and there is something so special about being the interior designer for my kids. Its different. Different than when I was doing it or my mother in law, different than when I was doing it for myself and my husband. It’s just a special way to connect that I am so grateful for. I was worried my daughter, who can be so indecisive would give me trouble, but we actually finished everything in one sitting. She knew exactly what she wanted, she’s been dreaming of this makeover for years since she’s outgrown her too pink little girl room ages ago.
My three youngest boys all sat down and chose the color of their walls, we talked about where they wanted their furniture and whether they wanted to keep the bunk bed or take it down in to separate beds. My youngest (who’s 4) is so excited to be sharing a bedroom with his older siblings. He shares a room with his sister at the moment and its basically her bedroom with only his crib and dresser (changing table). I know, I should have upgraded his furniture sooner, but things don’t always go as planned. Its ok. He’s fine. His crib is pretty big.
As I was saying, planning my kids’ bedrooms has been nice, I’m enjoying it. We still aren’t done. I’m trying to include them in the decisions. If I don’t agree with a design idea we discuss it and make it work so they like it. We have changed designs multiple times. My youngest have been the easiest with the basic design. We still haven’t talked about the little design details. We will wait until we have furnished it.
It had been nice sitting with them and hearing their ideas and seeing how much they’ve grown and they each have their individual taste and style. I hope I can interpret their ideas and make them a reality. Designing for my kids has been vey rewarding. They are very special clients.
I can’t wait to finish and share the results with all of you on Instagram and Pinterest.
Don’t Judge
On the last day of school, as I was walking in the kindergarten area, reminiscing about the past. How fast the years have passed by and how my kids have grown. I was greeted by one of the employees. Someone new-ish to the school, who I didn’t know well. We were talking and she was telling me what a good mother I was and how everyone always says I’m such a wonderful mother. Then she said something that has been bothering me. she said: I’ve always been surprised that you don’t have a college degree, how you haven’t completed your education even though you seem so knowledgeable and educated. I was shocked! Where did she get this idea? Why did she think this?
I quickly responded: I am an interior architect, I went to college. I chose not to work because back when my oldest was born, there weren’t many nurseries for infants and they weren’t up to my standard. I told her my kids come first. Now I’ve done many renovations for family and I am happy with that. She looked a little embarrassed and asked for my number so she could advertise for me. I politely declined and told her I already had enough work for now and my youngest still needed me. My kids will always be my first priority. I know there are plenty of working moms that are amazing moms. I know there are plenty of awesome moms that didn’t get a college degree , that doesn’t make them uneducated. That’s not my point. Every family has its own circumstances. Everyone is free to make their own decisions. When I was pregnant with my first, I discussed this with my husband and we both agreed that our children needed me at home. I am lucky that I never needed to work. I know staying at home full time with my kids is a luxury not everyone can afford.
I know nowadays nurseries have changed a lot and there are very good child care places for young infants and even newborns. I understand that some people need to work and some people want to work. I respect that. I’m not judging anyone. Everyone does what is best for them and their family.
That’s my point: don’t judge, don’t make assumptions. Why do compliments have to have a catch? You are a great mother, for someone uneducated! You look great, for your age! It’s not a compliment anymore when you put it that way.
Summer Bucket List
This is a list of fun activities I wrote a long time ago when my older kids were much younger and before my youngest was born. We haven’t don’t everything. Only 60 as far as I remember. We are going to give this list another try since my three youngest don’t remember anything, and my oldest barely do. They do want to make their own list which I am open for. We’ve been busy with Eid, post Eid and renovations. Since we are renovating half of the house and planning on moving them to that half to do the other half we are also busy packing up their stuff which is hard since we are still living here and they are using a lot of it.
Anyway, as soon as we write sa new list I will post it inshallah.
Honesty, they didn’t bounce. They didn’t pop as fast as regular bubbles do so they were a lot of fun.
Recipe:
1 cup water
1 tablespoon dish soap
1 teaspoon glycerine (I found some at the pharmacy)
Let it is for 24 hours. I kept it in a jar.
A glove or sock helps so the bubbles don’t pop, even without them they didn’t pop quickly and were a lot of fun!
Make s’mores in a solar oven (it is so hot here that it actually melted the chocolate. I remember even back then I had workers and renovations going so we did it late in the afternoon after the workers left and the sun wasn’t as hot. We definitely need to try this again at noon and I’ll post the results.
Walk on sand with stamped flip flops.
Put on a puppet show.
Bake cookies.
Bake cupcakes.
Have a picnic. (indoors if it’s too hot)
Watch old cartoons. (We watched classics like Tom & Jerry and Donald Duck)
Have a donut in a coffee shop.
Make a den with the couch coushions.
Plant seeds and watch them grow.
Build an amazing Lego creation. (I bought this Lego Kit to try with the kids.)
Play a game of cards. (We always play Go fish)
Play UNO.
Pretend to be airplanes.
Make a home cinema including tickets and popcorn.
Do some cloud watching.
Make some pancake art. (I used an empty plastic squeeze bottle.)
Make homemade pizza.
Do a science experiment. (We made flying tea bags.)
Make sun prints. (You will find more science experiments here too.)
Draw chalk art outside.
Play a board game.
Nature rubbings.
Photographic alphabet.
Make a smoothie.
Recipe: (my original recipe from back then.)
One pineapple, peeled and chopped
One tall glass of orange juice. (5 oranges)
250 grams of frozen strawberries.
Make a milkshake.
Make a time capsule.
Make a marble run.
Make our family tree
Play rock paper scissors. (who knew how fun that could be!)
Write and send a letter.
Make popsicles.
Do a random act of kindness.
Learn about a different country.
Play hopscotch.
Play Restaraunt.
Draw around yourself on a big piece of paper and decorate it. (I used these awesome rolls of paper from Ikea)
Jump rope.
Play limbo.
Make a dominos line.
Make sock puppets.
Use a basket and string to hoist stuffed animals upstairs.
Write a story. I found these cute half written cartoons that could help inspire the kids.
Play freeze tag.
Have a water balloon fight.
Make lemonade.
Bake an apple pie.
Dinner by candle light.
Play charades.
Dress up and take photos.
Learn something new.
Play tic tack toe.
Build a Lego tower.
Go out for ice cream.
Play jenga.
Toast marshmallows.
Chalk and sponge targets.
Play eye spy.
Play musical statutes.
Origami. (We made butterflies.)
Have a three legged race.
Water bucket relay race.
Play carrom.
Make paper pinwheels. (I used during in stead a pin, I tied it in triple knots on both sides and then trimmed the string and it worked fine.
Play with huge balloons.
Learn how to make bubble gum bubbles.
Go out for breakfast.
Take a photo a day.
Watch the sunrise. (I have never accomplished this with my kids, I never want to volunteeringly was them up on vacation!)
Have a bubble bath.
Make a balloon-cup-shooter.
Make ice cream floats. (My older kids love root beer floats, a childhood favorite for me. I love that!)
Go night swimming with glow sticks.
Complete a DIY Project.
Tie dye t shirts.
Ride a rollercoaster.
Go bowling.
Photobooth.
Visit pet store.
Write a book together.
Make homemade pasta.
Balloon animals. (Harder than you think!)
Hold a Mario Kart tournament.
Have a water gun fight.
Play Hangman. (I remember my kids enjoyed it more than I expected!)
Do a puzzle together.
Have a connect four tournament.
Make something from Pinterest. (We made a lego candy dispenser.) & Hot dog octopus which the first time was a fail and the second time was much better. I cut the hot dogs in half which helped the “tentacles” curl and look for octopus like.
Make slush. (My kids idea and they loved it of course.
Recipe: (my recipe and notes from back then.)
200 ml of juice
100 ml of water
Pour in a shallow container and freeze for one hour. Take out, mix ice crystals. Put back in freezer for another half hour and repeat. It says it should be ready to serve but it took longer in my freezer. Maybe because my freezer is so full so I couldn’t put it deep inside? But the important thing is to keep checking on it and mixing so you don’t get big pieces of ice.
Have dessert for breakfast, we had marshmallow sandwiches between slices of french toast. It was delicious and the kids loved it!
I found more than weren’t in my notebook, that I had posted on YOU-app. I will add them tomorrow.
Hajj
Saturday was the last day of Hajj, a very important part of Islam. It is the 5th pillar of Isalm. As Muslims, we are required to perform Hajj once in our lives, if we are capable (can afford it and are physically able) It is an amazing experience. I confess writing this made me very emotional and I cried a lot writing this. Every Muslim dreams of performing Hajj but I think once you’ve experienced it your heart is forever connected and every year when you see all the Muslims gathered for Hajj your heart longs to be with them. This year has been the hardest year, I long to be with them and every time I think about it, talk about it or write about I start crying. I’ve talked to my husband and we are planning to go next year, God willing. We plan on taking our two oldest and my mother and mother in law. I know when the time comes we might have more companions. This is something you want to do by yourself but when you have the right kind of companions, someone to help you focus and pray with you it is a beautiful connection.
I performed Hajj about ten years ago, I had three children at the time. My youngest had turned one about two months before, though I was reluctant to leave him, my mother encouraged me to go. I would only be gone for a week. Hajj is six days and can be 5 days. It takes place in different areas of Makkah and is such a beautiful spiritual journey. We took our kids to my parents’ house in Dhahran and came back to Riyadh because we (my husband and I) were going with my mother in law and two sisters in law plus two nieces and two nephews. They were all great company during Hajj. It was good to have so many people by my elderly mother in law’s side. Hajj takes place in the last month of the lunar calendar. Since the lunar calendar depends on the moon, the months aren’t always in the same season. For example, this year Hajj took place in June but when I went to Hajj, it was the month of October, I actually had my birthday while I was at Hajj and it was the best way to spend that day.
Hajj nowadays is very easy, transportation has become so much easier that you can focus on the spiritual part more. I won’t talk about the government’s massive effort to make hajj easy and comfortable for EVERYONE, because there is so much to say and it would require a post of its own. I will just say they have gone above and beyond to make it better and better every year and the thousands of volunteers who help each year, whom we are very grateful.
Hajj nowadays is organized by groups, you register with a group and they are responsible to provide the basic accommodations for hajj. In general, they are all almost the same with some minor differences. We slept on a small mattresses in tents, shared bathrooms with other people in our group. But it was all very clean ad comfortable yet simple. I think that’s key with hajj, it’s not necessary nor is there anything against making Hajj luxurious but to me and most Muslims its beside the point. We are not there to stay in five-star accommodations. We are there to purify our hearts, to find God. To achieve the ultimate goal in life, forgiveness of all our sins, for peace, for happiness. It sounds like an impossible goal but it isn’t.
As soon as we reached our tents in Mina, there was a sense of excitement and anticipation, tomorrow was the most important day for us at Hajj and is a very important for all Muslims, in Hajj, we don’t fast, we wake up early and later, leave Mina for Arafa, an area named after a mountain there. We don’t have to be on the mountain, just anywhere in the area. We spend the day praying, asking God for forgiveness and asking Him for anything and everything. This day is different than any other day because God descends to the Earth’s sky and waits to hear our prayers to answer them. Whether you are in Hajj or not, it includes you. People who aren’t Hajj fast this day, fasting this day is rewarded with forgiving all your sins for the year past and the year to come. Can you imagine?! A simple thing such as fasting from daybreak to sunset with such a big reward. After sunset, we all walk to another area called Muzdalifa, we have the choice to rest a little and then move on to Mina where our tents are or spend the night and leave in the early morning. We rested and moved on. It was such a peaceful night, there were rugs where we could sit or lay down under the stars, the weather was cool but not too cold. We rested and prayed and moved on. The next morning was Eid, our second holiday in Islam, we had all brought something nice to wear I remember what a happy day it was, its amazing how the people we shard our tent with and the group we shared the simple facilities we had were like old friends and family, I am still in contact with some Hajj friends, one of them has moved to the UK but we still keep in touch. An important part of Islam that is emphasized during Hajj is: we are all equal. We are all humans, we are all the same, we are all gathered for the same purpose, worshipping God, hoping to achieve the ultimate goal, complete forgiveness and eternal paradise in the afterlife. During Hajj we dress simply, the men wear white clothes that are not sewn. The women dress modestly in any color they choose. The simplicity in dress is a humble reminder that we are all the sme. No one is better than anyone. We are all equal. It helps the unity and love we have as a Muslim community grow stronger.
The last four days of Hajj are spent in Mina, I remember waking up in the middle of the night to pray, finding most of the group awake praying. At the sound of athan (the call to prayer) we would gather to pray morning prayers together. Then we would sit together and one of us would give us a short religious talk. Then after the sun had risen we would pray ‘al duha prayer” the prayer after sunrise and then we would head to our own tents to take a nap and gain strength for the day ahead fo prayer and worship. On the 5th or 6th day of Hajj (you have a choice) We head to Al Haram where al Kaaba is and prefer m the last part of Hajj; tawaf al wada’a, walking around the Kaaba. Al wada’a means farewell. Because you are leaving Mecca after this last part of Hajj.
I always get emotional leaving Mecca as most Muslims do. You always wonder if this will be last time you will be there. An unbearable thought.
I’ve already started planning our Hajj journey for next year God willing. I am going to do everything I can to make it happen.
I hope this gave you an idea of what Hajj is about. This isn’t a detailed explanation, it is just my experience. If you have any questions, I would be more than happy to answer them. I will add some information in my dictionary page and a link to a website with a detailed diagram of Hajj.
More Ramblings.
Photo by Shaouraav Shreshtha on Unsplash
I have been very busy the past three weeks with finals, renovations, making sure I have all the building materials so the workers are on track and we finish as soon as possible. I did something I promised I wouldn’t do and I put the gym on hold. I haven’t gone for two weeks! But with everything going on I didn’t have the energy so that’s what I chose to sacrifice. I didn’t have a choice, did I?
I’ve been juggling being a mom, planning lunches and dinners while running errands for the renovation, meeting with the contractor and checking on the workers. Helping my fourth grader studying for his finals, making sure my sixth grader studied well. (He studies by himself. Checking on my 10th and 8th graders and make sure they are doing well studying, don’t need anything. Did I mention my husband was a way for two days? These past three weeks have been stressful, hectic, crazy, all that and more! Not to mention I was also sick with a sinus infection, something viral that went up to my eyes and made my vision blurry which I didn’t have time for, how am I supposed to help my kids study when all the letters are blurry? So, I did something I shouldn’t, I called my sister in a law- the doctor-. I told her all my symptoms and told her I don’t have time to go see a doctor, I did however have time to go to the tile shop that was late delivering the tiles to my soon to be art room and the kid’s’ play room. My sister in law bless her gave me eye drops and antibiotics. I started getting a little better. Until I found (my son pointed out) a broken blood vessel in my eye. That was last straw for my husband who insisted I went see a doctor. I reluctantly went. The broken blood vessel was unrelated to the virus and was actually healing. “Stress” the doctor said was the cause. Stressed!? Me? Not at all. Just normal mom life. Right? New eye meds and I’m feeling much better. Finals are done. The school year came to an end. The tiles all arrived. We are nowhere near finishing with the renovation but we are getting there. Last Sunday when my sixth grader came to me to review, he looked at me and asked if we could start from the beginning, I almost lost it! it was already past 8pm. I had to go to my husband for a hug and to supply myself with Starbursts candy (I’m not a candy person but that’s where I was at that moment) chips and a vitamin drink because I had already had a root beer that day. (my weakness, so nostalgic, tastes like childhood memories) I decided to order dinner (God bless food delivery apps!) I managed to finish with my son and put them to bed without completely losing it. I guess the lack of sleep and exhaustion had caught up with me. I had been staying up with my two oldest as they studied and of course got up early with them before school and of course the melody of workers breaking tile and wall! My four-year-old wanted me sleeping near him because he said he would be lost without his siblings, I think he meant alone. So, I slept on the sofa in the mornings after the others went to school, not an ideal bed. Of course, it’s not really sleep, when you are replying to messages from the contractor overseeing the renovation with me, the tile guy, the bathroom guy, my kids and my husband. But what do moms really sleep anyway? I’m not sure.
Well, school has ended for the year. No more finals, no more homework, no more research papers no more projects and no more school lunches!
We have exactly 8 weeks of vacation. I have mentioned that I have no plans for the summer. except for competing the renovation. I know I need to sit down and discuss summer plans with my husband. I know he will want to put them in summer programs. I know he wants them to do something useful, we will see.
I did promise a summer bucket list. Honesty I’ve been so busy and exhausted I couldn’t get any writing done. So, I promise it is coming soon. I will also sit with my kids and make a new one and post that soon.
End of the School Year Ramblings.
We have one week of finals before the school year ends. Like most parents, I am burnt out and ready for summer vacation. My boys started finals before my daughter and technically I will have had three weeks of finals when we are finished. My oldest in the 10th grade has two weeks and a half of finals with only one day break in the middle. I know he is also exhausted.
I have no plans for the summer at the moment. I think completing the renovation is more than enough.
I am done with super early mornings. (School starts at 6:30 am here because we need the school day to end before it’s too hot and to help minimize traffic (an impossible task in the capital) My kids go to two different schools so they have to leave earlier to make it in time before their first class starts.
I am done with school projects, school activities. No more creative lunch ideas. Though I confess I haven’t been very creative this past year. I’m done with school pickups and the occasional drop offs when my youngest is feeling a little grumpy.
I am done with school activities, homework, research and exams. My kids are older and more dependent on themselves, I just check on their progress and occasionally help with something or another. Usually providing materials for projects.
I know I will soon miss the structure school gives the day. I will try to keep bedtimes early (though that gets harder as they grow older) I know I will miss my quiet mornings and the chance to nap, to go on errands without feeling guilty for leaving the kids at home or taking them with me and boring them with my mom errands.
I will try to make sure we do fun activities together, have time to read, write and do something educational. I have a summer bucket list that I used to do with my kids when they were younger. That was before my youngest was born. I’m not sure my two middle boys remember much either. I’ve discussed making a new bucket list. My kids have been a little enthusiastic but of course they want to choose the activities themselves. We will need to sit and work on that after finals. I still have my old list which I will post later and link the activities I found on line.
My 6th grader told me they were having a class breakfast on Thursday. My response; why? I have zero energy left for any activities.
My daughter and her friends all have to change schools next year because the school doesn’t have a 9th grade. Apparently, they don’t have a license for middle school. My daughter has been going to the same school since she was 3! All my kids have studied in this school. It’s been an emotional week with my 4-year-old finishing school and going to his class room for the last time. The same classroom that 3 other children studied in. The school has been open for 12 years. We have been a part of it for 11! When we walked into the class room for the last time we got a little emotional. I’ve been a part of this school for so long. We will miss it and everyone there.
Changing schools is hard for the kids and the parents. Even my 4-year-old told me he didn’t want to change schools. My daughter and her best friends have been trying to convince their parents to put them in the same school. Easier said than done. Each parent has their own standards for what school their child goes too. The school we picked is farther than her current school but is a branch of the school. She will have a different principal and teachers, she knows only three students so far, but it’s a similar environment, I know the elementary school principal and she speaks high praise of the middle school and Highschool principal. Her twin daughters moved with her at the beginning of the school year (they are my daughter’s age) It seems like a good educational environment. We’ve researched, asked around, prayed and made our decision. Praying it is for the best.
This makes the end of this school year hard; my daughter doesn’t want her time with her friends to end at school but she is also tired of school and exams and needs a break. She will still speak to her friends and meet up with them, but it won’t be the same seeing them every day. Especially since they’ve been together since kindergarten and the first grade!
I helped her make gift boxes for her three best friends and they are having a gift exchange on Sunday. I know it’s going to be hard. Friends are everything at her age. I hope they keep in touch despite changing schools. I know how important having a good friend is.
As the school year comes to an end and I reflect on how much my kids have grown. Hopefully learned and accomplished. I know we all deserve a break. They have worked hard and done well and I am proud them. I have done my best to be helpful and supportive while I juggled my many responsibilities and health issues.
I think as the school year ends, it was a good year. Not amazing but good. I now have two middle schoolers, my youngest will be in kindergarten next year, a year away from elementary school. My oldest has two more years until he graduates high school ad moves on to college inshallah. How time flies!
I know too soon, they will have grown and moved on to college and jobs and have their own families and I won’t have this end of school year burn out. I know I will miss them. I try to cherish every phase of life as a mother. I know its ok to feel burnt out now, to be glad school is coming to an end and to enjoy the lazy days of summer. (well, as lazy as possible with 5 kids and a renovation project to oversee.)
I will try to give them as much time as I can, do fun activities, have friends over, and make the most of our hot Riyadh summers.
I know by the end of the summer, I might actually look forward to the new school year. That’s ok too.
The Gym
Photo of “Interval Plus”
I’ve written about losing myself, about drifting apart from friends while they pursued careers and higher education and I chased toddlers.
I think the first step of trying to find myself was going to the gym again. There I was Nuha. It’s crazy but until I started going to the gym, I wasn’t called Nuha much. When you are a stay at home mom, you don’t get out much and here we have the culture of calling you by your oldest son’s name, or if you have a kid in the same class your named by that kid. So, I was usually called mama or someone’s mom (in Arabic: Umm “child’s name” So I was: Umm Abdullah) . Sure, my husband called me by first name but I guess not that often, my mother in law did call me by my name but always introduced me as Khaled’s wife. Which is fine, there is nothing wrong with that but I needed to be reminded that I was my own person. I wasn’t just a mom, wife, daughter in law. I was me, I was Nuha.
So, after my fourth was born, I don’t remember how old he was when I started going to the gym for the first time. I would leave the kids with my husband and go to the gym. I started at “Curves”. It was perfect for me, one hour at the gym and you’re done. It wasn’t too intense which was good because I wasn’t as fit as I used to be. I have always exercised since I was a kid. I’d walk to the recreation center and swim and come back walking. I used to enjoy it so much. I used to lose the baby weight easily after each child by exercising at home. I even had a folder of exercise I had photo copied at the library when I was in college. Mostly core exercises. I think having a strong core helped me lose the baby belly after giving birth. After my third I discovered Leslie Sanson. She was a lot of help. I’d open Youtube, I even boght a couple of her dvd’s. My kids would walk with me and I remember my third being maybe one and holding my hand and kicking, as if he was telling me; come on mama lets exercise. My fourth was the hardest to lose the extra weight and going to the gym really helped. I continued to go to “Curves” on and off until I became pregnant with my fifth. Two miscarriages scared me from going to the gym and I was put on modified bed rest with this pregnancy.
When he was less than two years old I signed up to an awesome gym” Interval Plus”. It focused on CrossFit and interval training. They had less intense (still very intense) classes too. I used to go, die and go home dead but happy. Hahaha! It was such a great feeling being able to finish the classes there! I started going there a little before the pandemic began and everything closed. I’m grateful I was with them during the pandemic because even after they reopened they were very careful and it always felt like a safe environment. That time was difficult for me since I had four kids in school doing distance learning in two shifts morning and evening so I was already drained and never seemed to get enough sleep. I ended up leaving this gym because it was too much for me at the time. I still dream of a time when I am fit enough to go back.
I enrolled in another gym; “Fitness Time” next. I honestly went there only to swim and come back, it was the perfect thing for me at that time. We were still doing distance learning and R got his diagnosed during that time. Somedays, I would go to the gym and sit in the pool and cry. Sometimes that was my only chance to cry. I used to go in the early morings when the pool was empty and I had it to myself. Swimming first thing in the morning, with a huge pool all to myself, was pure bliss.
The one thing all these gyms had in common was the distance, they weren’t too far but sometimes with traffic I would take me at least 20-25 minutest get there. Thats an issue when you’re ruining late and want to join a class. It also had to be counted as part of my gym time so sometimes I only had half an hour at the gym and the rest in the car.
Then something amazing happened! A gym opened within walking distance form my house. “Body Motions” It was literally 5 minutes by car. That made it so much easier for me to go. When the weather is cooler, I go waking sometimes. It helps me go every day, no excuses.
My experience at this gym was so different than any other gym. I almost immediately signed up with a personal trainer and it made such a difference. She held me accountable so I couldn’t skip my classes. She listened to me and slowly increased intensity. She pushed me to work harder. She was very patient with me when I went through the dizzy phase. She could tell when I was about to become dizzy, would tell met to sit down, get me fresh orange juice from the vending machine She is the best! Even now she knows when I need to pause, when I need to go wash my face and cool down. She never let me give up and still pushes me to work harder and gain strength. It has been a great experience for me and even a year later, I am still working out with her. This is one luxury I will not give up. I’d rather give up coffee which if you know me says a lot!
I’m not really a social person at the gym, I’ve written about how that is my time to myself. But the past couple of months, I’ve made two friends at the gym, they work out with my personal trainer too and it’s been nice having someone to motivate you to go to the gym. We check in on each other and cheer each other on. They are really nice and I never thought I’d make gym friends but I’m glad I did.
I may have started to go to the gym to lose the baby weight, but now it is way more than just that. Its a place where I let go of any negativity I’m feeling. Its a place where I’m me, and only me. Its a place where I’m surrounded by strong motivated woman which is so motivating to become stronger.
I may have started working out to lose the baby weight but now I’m more focused on how much strength I’ve gained. I’m already thinking about the Riyadh marathon for 2024 and wondering if I should try doing the half marathon. I know fitness does not have an age and I hope to continue work out and maintain my strength so I’m that cool grandmother that can do a handstand. Hahaha.
Jokes aside, I will continue my fitness journey because I love myself and I try my best to keep myself healthy so I can fulfil my many responsibilities, be a good mom and partner, pursue my dreams and be happy.